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12 months of bliss

Twelve Months of Bliss: December

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Well great, now "Part of Your World" is stuck in my head. Fun fact: it's the only song I've ever karaoked solo!

Well great, now "Part of Your World" is stuck in my head. Fun fact: it's the only song I've ever karaoked solo!

I have this condition that some of you may share... ye olde stranger danger. Considering I take 8 modes of Septa A DAY, I spend a lot of time with a lot of strangers. So I do a million little things to avoid contact. I wear headphones, I walk fast, I ignore pretty much anyone trying to get my attention, and all of the above is usually accompanied by resting bitch face. I may seem and look rude, but honestly, I'm terrified. My worldview is generally dark and scary, and I think that everyone wants to hurt me. When people approach me, especially in the city, I can feel my adrenaline start rushing. My anxiety has taken my dad's lectures on "city smarts" to an almost pathological degree.

So you can see why Emily's December prompt to "pay bliss forward" was a bit of an issue, you know, with my fear of people and all. *insert crying while laughing emoji*

I didn't do anything dramatic with this prompt, but it really did make me more mindful of other people amid the holiday rush. I used it as a reminder to stop and hold doors in the train station and to make some cheery small talk in the elevator at the doctor's office. When I took the two seconds to see if someone was behind me on my way out of Nordstrom Rack, I wound up holding the door for a girl who was carrying a million bags. She was super appreciative and joked about how she had procrastinated on her Christmas shopping. It's amazing how one tiny act of kindness from us can be so helpful to another person and just light them up. Something to keep in mind so that I'm not afraid of everyone in 2016 ;)

Ember Grey Twelve Months of Bliss

Twelve Months of Bliss: November

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I only recently stumbled upon the great blog Ember Grey (host of the "Grateful Heart" linkup!), so this is my first foray into Emily's "Twelve Months of Bliss" link-up. November's focus was positive self-talk, and the assignment came at just the right time, as my therapist was trying to get me to stop being so hard on myself, post-yoga retreat. :)

In general, I have a really hard time with the positive self-talk, and this month was no different. I was listening to Glee's (AWESOME) "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty" mash-up and could so relate, except it's not my significant other or anyone else putting me down, it's the anxious/perfectionist part of myself doing it. While I am addressing some of these patterns and memories in EMDR, I also need to be aware of that negative self-talk as it's happening, so that I don't beat myself up and perpetuate un-reality.

Never insecure until I met you, now I'm being stupid. I used to be so cute to me, just a little bit skinny. Why do I look to all these things to keep you happy? Maybe get rid of you and then I'll get back to me.

 

The other part of this month's assignment was to write a love letter to yourself... which I naturally put off until a few days ago! ;) In the love letter, though, I actually was able to take a step back and acknowledge the major things I've overcome this year, like my crippling fear of driving. I feel like I need to be moving and working constantly, but I've done and continue to do so much to grow and challenge myself. I deserve a break sometimes, and, as much as relaxing makes me anxious, I'm only going to get used to it the more I'm exposed to it... just as I learned with exposure therapy for driving. Lindsay at Not a Mom used this quote in her H54F post last week, and I LOVED it. It's just so perfect for where I am right now: 

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"Allow yourself to be good enough." Definitely something I need to keep in mind.

Wishing you all a very happy Thanksgiving, and I'll see you back here Friday for our regularly scheduled H54F post! :) xoxo


EG's Twelve Months of Bliss