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confessions

Confessions: Physical therapy and Beanie Babies

JessComment
  • At my last podiatrist appointment in May, the doctor decided that he wanted me to start physical therapy. But he wouldn't say "physical therapy," rather, just "therapy," as in "Let's see where we can get you in for some therapy..." This probably isn't a source of confusion for most of his patients, but then again, most people don't have a roster of mental health professionals that they see regularly. Like, I was 99% sure he meant physical therapy, but I'd never heard it with the "physical" dropped before, and thus the seed of doubt was planted. So after the doctor said just "therapy" a few more times, I finally went, "Ok, you do mean PHYSICAL therapy, right? Because I already do the other kind, so that is covered!" Of course he meant physical therapy, but at least he got a chuckle out of it. "Yes, yes, physical therapy! Although I hope the other is going well for you too!" #ClearlyNotWellEnough #FacePalm
  • So per his instruction, I started physical therapy for my foot a few weeks ago, and one of my exercises is to pick up marbles with my toes. I wish I were kidding. People around me are doing full out stretches, and there I am, awkwardly trying to pick up marbles with my toes. #NothingToSeeHere
  • One of the cats I follow on Instagram (halp) looks exactly like the black and white Beanie Baby cat. Somehow, I couldn't for the life of me remember that one's name... but in the process of trying to remember, I was able to recall all the other Beanie Baby cats' names and colors! "Is it Flip? No, he's white. And Snip is Siamese... I'm pretty sure Nip was brown... DAMMIT IT'S ZIP! THAT'S THE BLACK AND WHITE ONE!!" #BeanieBabyCatLadyProbs
Battle of the Beanie Baby Bastards

Battle of the Beanie Baby Bastards

  • On my first city driving adventure with my car, somebody beeped at me for not capitalizing on a split second break in oncoming traffic to turn, and I literally yelled, "Who is driving this car?!?" at no one, because I'm 80. #I'llTurnThisCarRightAround
  • Speaking of driving, my recent car jams are a very eclectic lot, including but not limited to "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (love a dramatic 80s ballad), "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO (again, halp), and "Call Me" by Blondie. As bizarre as they all are together, "Call Me" makes the least sense (believe it or not!) because my life motto is pretty much "DON'T call me." Ignoring phone calls is like my Olympic sport--in the car, the only phone-related button I know is the one that declines calls when you're connected via Bluetooth! Thank god "Call Me" is a pretty rocking tune--that helps me to forget that I'm encouraging a ringing phone in song form. #GoldMedalistInScreeningCalls

What wacky things have been going on in your lives these days? What everyday things do you avoid like the plague?

#Hashtaghumpday @ Genuinely Lauren
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Confessions: Irrational fears and other mishaps

JessComment
  • In my last Confessions post, I mentioned that I am totally terrified of bees and bee-like things. A pretty reasonable fear given the potential for, you know, getting stung and all that. But two other fears of mine? Not so easy to understand (or even explain!). First up, we have Mr. Bubble, that (maniacal) pink cartoon guy on the bubble bath bottles. I think the issue here is that my parents bought me a towel with Mr. Bubble on it when I was little and introduced it to me by draping it over my crib. Yeah, the sight of a huge Mr. Bubble towering over me was not exactly welcome! I have since recovered from this fear, but I'm still not his biggest fan. #GoAwayMrBubble #YoureDrunk
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  • However, my other big childhood fear is still alive and well and makes even less sense. Remember the store Bradlees? (If you did not live near this store, I'm so jealous of your life.) Well, I'm terrified of its hellish logo. I am fully aware that this is an insane fear, and yet, I can't shake it. #realtalk There's no way I'm sullying this blog by posting a visual for you, but the Bradlees font is all 80s and blocky and maroon and menacing. Plastic bags from the store were covered in the logo, so maybe that's how this fear started? Or maybe the terrifying hugeness of the logo on the side of a building is what set me off as a little kid? Who knows. All I can say for sure is THANK THE LORD Bradlees went out of business because if one were still located ten minutes from my house, I would probably need to keep a paper bag in the car so I could breathe into it! But long after the Bradlees near my house closed, one remained open en route to the shore, and we would ALWAYS get stuck at a red light right across the street, and I would totally be covering my eyes like the "See no evil" monkey emoji. And this was in high school/college. #MaybeIDoNeed4Therapists #IsBradleesListedintheDSM
"I feel betrayed, bewildered... Wrong response?" 

"I feel betrayed, bewildered... Wrong response?" 

  • Remember when I was the oldest person at the orthodontist? Well, now that I'm dealing with a bum foot, I'm the youngest person at the podiatrist by about 30 years. I'm pretty much the only one there not collecting Social Security, although with my retainers and their dentures, we're kind of all on the same page. And when I walked through the waiting room with my purple cast, I swear one adorable old lady was eyeing it! I hope she went into the doctor and got a bright purple cast of her own! #OkLadies #NowLetsGetinFormation
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  • A few weeks ago, I had to revisit a work assignment that I hadn't done in months, and slowly, all of the details came back to me. I found myself explaining what we needed to do without even fully realizing what I was saying--it's like this secret compartment in my brain got unlocked and took over. So in musing afterwards about how crazy it is when you remember something utterly random that you didn't even know was tucked away in your brain, I mentioned that I still know the quadratic equation song. Now, when you say something embarrassing like, "I still remember the quadratic equation song," people are going to want you to make good on that statement. And thus I had to serenade my boss with the good ol' quadratic equation song set to "Pop Goes the Weasel"--with my retainer in, no less. #HowEmbarrassing? #TheLimitDoesNotExist
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  • Speaking of my retainer, I try to make sure I'm not wearing it when I have to talk on the phone, since it's hard enough to be understood with crackling connections and background chaos and whatnot. Well, this proved problematic when the podiatrist's office called me back while I was waiting for the bus, and it led me to basically spit out my retainer at the bus stop while trying to answer my phone. #StayClassy
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Please let me know what crazy things you guys are afraid of, so I can feel (slightly) better about myself! :)

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#Hashtaghumpday @ Genuinely Lauren

Confessions

JessComment

I've been debating doing a post like this for while, because they're always so fun and entertaining when Mattie does them! And there's no shortage of things to confess because my life has been super ridiculous lately!

  • So I mentioned last Friday that I had to go to the orthodontist... for the first time in 11 or 12 years. I'm pretty sure I was a senior in high school the last time I was there. This time around, I was a trendsetter on SO many levels: I was the only patient in the waiting room not accompanied by a parent or guardian, perhaps the only patient of legal driving age, and definitely the only patient not skipping first period for my appointment. #winning #stillgetcardedtho

 

  • I'm a terrible liar. And, when I feel guilty about something, I'm all flustered April Kepner about it. So I sang like a canary about not wearing my retainers. And when the doctor casually asked, "So what brought you in today?" my response was a panicked, "FEAR!!" #butactually
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  • Oh, and when you've last been to the orthodontist 11 or 12 years ago, the picture they have on file for you is utterly appalling and needs to be burned STAT. I don't need a reminder of how awkward I was as a brace-faced teen, thanks! #ctrl #alt #del #unfierce #sorryTyra
  • In other news, Fruit Loops have been my breakfast of choice for the past week. Yeah. That's happening. I just wanted to mix up my breakfast routine but couldn't commit to a full box of anything else! (Sidenote: Why don't they make those awesome variety packs with all the little boxes of cereal for adult-y cereals?! That's exactly what I needed!) My super health nut dad did not want to be seen with this box in his basket, but alas. #juicecleanse
My contributions to our shopping cart. #adulting

My contributions to our shopping cart. #adulting

  • I'm terrified of bugs in general, but especially bees, wasps, basically anything that buzzes and stings. I seriously take off running whenever I hear that droney buzz... even if it's just a lawn mower in the distance #realtalk. Well, at work this week, we've had TWO hornets in our office! (Or maybe they're wasps... it's not like I'm getting all up on them with a magnifying glass or anything!) And in both cases, of course it was me who found them. Clearly, I'm not going to be the one to corral them, so I had to enlist my co-workers for help. The co-workers in question are Russian and have a hard enough time understanding me as it is, but now that I'm 15 years old and have a retainer that gives me a lisp, you can imagine how well things went! "Thereth a bee or thomthing buzthing in there, can you guyth help me?!" UGH SO EMBARRASSING. But thankfully, one of the guys was able to capture our new "bee friend," and set it free. GOOD GRIEF. #buzzkill #almostliterally #FarmerTed
This is pretty much how I've felt all week.

This is pretty much how I've felt all week.

How is your week going? I hope it's hornet (or wasp) and embarrassment-free! :)

#Hashtaghumpday @ Genuinely Lauren
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