To Sparkle Punch...

That is the question

High Five for Friday: August 17

JessComment

Thank god it's Friday! You guys, this was one of those weeks where every day is a struggle. Not because anything bad happened, but because my emotions were all over the place. Ugh! But here’s what brought the sparkle:

  • I’ve been posting my outfits on Instagram this month, and I was struggling over the weekend because I was in a capital M Mood and felt totally fake being all smiley and happy. That’s not what this space is about. So when I did my outfit post on Sunday, I was honest about how I was feeling... and it really made me feel better! It's not like I'm the only one who has rough days—so why fake it?
  • On Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going to mope around the house, so I signed up for a yin yoga workshop! I had never done yin before and was actually quite scared! I'm not flexible, and I don't love how you have to stay in poses forever in restorative classes. But it turned out to be a really good class! I shocked myself with the poses I was able to do. It was definitely a physical challenge, but I think my body appreciated the stretching and the peaceful vibe. The teacher was super sweet too, which definitely helped!

 

  • Then I went to my usual Sunday yoga class, which was great, and the teacher shared this—something that really resonated with me:
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  • Did you ever have a random line from a song or a show pop into your head out of nowhere and then it totally bugs you because you can't place it? Well, that happened to me a week or two ago, and I was finally able to track down the scene this week! The line was from Lucky and Liz, naturally. The part I remembered was Lucky saying, "When I all I wanted and couldn't really have was for you not to hurt anymore." Once I found the scene, I discovered that he says it to Liz early in her rape recovery on the topic of revenge. How he wanted to kill the guy that hurt her, but doing so wouldn't take away her pain, and that's what he really wanted. In my capital M Mood this week, I've been really angry, so finding that scene was just like, "Wow, ok Universe, thanks for the reminder!" Like, I do desperately want to feel better—but being angry and hurtful to other people isn't going actually make me feel better, you know? Forget the Bhagavad Gita—apparently, I get all my wisdom from '90s soaps. 😂😂
  • Lastly, along with GH, I went full '90s musically this week and have been listening to a lot of the Goo Goo Dolls! I heard "Slide" on the radio and remembered how much I loved it in sixth grade and would eagerly wait for it to come on the radio. I actually got Dizzy Up the Girl at both houses on Christmas 1998, haha! So "Slide" has been a big one this week, but with "Iris," "Name," and "Black Balloon" thrown in too. I don't know that the Goo Goo Dolls were actually featured on Dawson's Creek, but now I want to watch that too. 😂 #full90s #WhoompThereItIs

Have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: August 10

JessComment

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week:

  • On Friday night, I went to Recovery Yoga. The last time I was there, it was pretty AA heavy, which is fine—that Bill W. has some solid advice—but I felt out of place, even though it’s not limited to people with addiction issues. But this time around, it quickly turned into a discussion of all forms of therapy! EMDR came up, and I went full Lilo:
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It's always so nice to find an outlet to talk with people who just ✨get it✨ you know?

 

  • Last week was a doozy. But by Saturday (when I left Maggie's), I felt like I had grown. I had felt a lot of things, but being on my own (with my trusty emotional support cat, Pudge!) gave me the space to feel them, cope with them however *I* wanted to (which resulted in doing extra therapy, bugging Kristin, going to yoga, shopping with Karuna, and bingeing Happy Endings), do some scary vulnerable things, and ultimately reach an okay state. That was the motivation behind this post on Instagram, featuring a stalwart sunflower at Maggie's that seemed no worse for the wear even though it poured like every day last week:
  • Speaking of shopping... I went a little nuts last week and weekend. 😬 I had been so good with curtailing my shopping lately that I’m feeling guilty. My birthday is at the end of the month, so I’m thinking of these as early birthday presents! 😉 First up, we have this Target shirt that was too on-brand for me to resist:
 I'm documenting my outfits on Instagram this month, so you best believe this baby will be coming soon to an IG near you!

I'm documenting my outfits on Instagram this month, so you best believe this baby will be coming soon to an IG near you!

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All of this cost $37! ($35 was free shipping, natch.) I had been wanting to try them for awhile, and my toner and serum happened to run out at the same time, and I wasn't too pleased with anything in my skincare routine (except for the Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser, which I am still in love with). And when my life goes to pot, I usually start obsessing over the state of my skin! 😂 Everything is super affordable and targeted... the obvious downside being that you need a million separate products! Stay tuned...

 

  • Lastly, I've been all about Fleetwood Mac this week. It started with "Go Your Own Way," then moved on to "You Make Loving Fun" (prompted by my reading up on songs featuring the clavinet, which is perfectly normal, right?), and then the floodgates opened. Most important, though, was my reacquantainace with the song "Sara." What a damn gorgeous song. I had just been complaining to Timmi (keeper of my Fleetwood Mac feels apparently) that Christine gets no love in favor of Stevie, and then "Sara" made me rethink my grudge. "Drowning in the sea of love where everyone would love to drown..." 😭😭😭

Hope you have a great weekend!

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July 2018 Budget

JessComment
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You guys, I have been buying everything in sight lately! But I apparently still had (some) self-control back in July! 😂 Here’s what I bought:

1. Woman's Wallet with Removable Crossbody Strap (Target):  $17 on sale for $5

2. SP Black Label High Rise Rolled Short (Nordstrom Rack): $43 on sale for $9

3. Darlene Howlite Stone Dagger Ring (Francesca’s):  $14 on sale for $13

TOTAL:  $27

I fell in love with the Francesca’s ring while walking around the mall while particularly out of it with anxiety and depression last month. I didn’t buy it then, but as we learned with my cat scarf, my willpower only lasts about 48 hours! 😂💸 It’s so different and cool-looking, I couldn’t resist. The band turned super quickly, though, which is annoying. 

I had been looking for a slimmer wallet with a detachable crossbody strap, and sign me up for one with iridescent mermaid vibes for $5!

Lastly, these shorts. I had to retire some old jorts this summer, so I was very happy to find these super soft ones at such a big discount! Especially because I don’t usually have much luck with the Nordstrom Rack sale section. I think these exact shorts are sold out, as I couldn't find them on the Rack website, or else I would have linked to them. Womp womp. At least they give me an excuse to post this:

 Is this the kind of thing that's only funny after two English degrees?

Is this the kind of thing that's only funny after two English degrees?

What did you buy in July?

High Five for Friday: August 3

JessComment

Anybody else in their feelings this week?! 🙋🏼‍♀️ Let’s see what brought the sparkle:

  • PUDGE!! I was reunited with my dear, sweet Pudgie Princess this week (and she is currently nestled beside me purring 😭). She is truly, as Timmi put it, "the best velvet purring loaf." 😂😻
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  • On Saturday, I went over to Kristin's, where she joked that she was going to "make" me watch The Big Chill. Now, I love The Big Chill—and so does she! So you can imagine our surprise when we couldn't remember any of the characters’ names! Whoops! Also, I'm sad that there's not a gif of my favorite line: Jeff Goldblum, who has had to sleep in one of the kids' airplane-shaped beds, announces (in light of all the other various hook-ups going on in the house) that "I was all alone in my airplane, no co-pilot." I legit say this IRL because I am insane.

 

  • I wasn't going to go to my usual Sunday yoga class, since I was staying at Maggie's with Pudge, but I had a change of heart when I woke up wildly anxious and had watched like half a season of Happy Endings by noon! It was a really great class. We had a sub with the most calming voice, and I managed to get a few minutes of anxiety relief. She was also super positive that I had come at all when I told her how I was feeling, which warmed my heart.

 

  • Maggie's housemate (and one of my fellow YTT gals) Karuna was around this week, which was a godsend. Which I'm super anxious, I have a really hard time being alone with my thoughts and feelings, and Karuna very kindly let me pace around her bedroom and beat her ear! We also had an awesome impromptu Target and tarot night!
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  • Therapy was another godsend this week. (Three appointments in four days 10/10 would recommend.) I feel so crazy when I get triggered because it's like my system gets completely hijacked—I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything, it's just bad news. And then I beat myself up about it, which is obviously super helpful. 🙄My one therapist, though, very gently pointed out that, based on my history, there are just some things that will take me from zero to sixty (even though I would really really prefer they didn't). So in that framework, my reaction is normal (or at least makes more sense). I so compare myself to other people in these moments, but their normal isn't my normal and vice versa. Now I just need to actually get that through my head! 😂

 

Hope you have a great weekend! xoxo

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High Five for Friday: July 27

JessComment

Oh hey, it’s Friday! ✨ Let’s see what brought the sparkle:

  • On Saturday night, I went over to Kristin's for a tarot night! She gifted me this awesome set of tarot cards and guide book (which are not the cards pictured here, although she had given those to me as well LOL), and I proceeded to have the most crazy accurate tarot reading of my life!
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We did the "Clarity spread" reading from the Wild Unknown Guidebook, so the card at the top is the "overall situation" in my life and the other three cards are "contributing factors." The question I asked was, "What is the Universe trying to tell me?" The answer was more like, "What does the Universe already know I’m struggling with?"

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OH, JUST EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY, COOL. (Can you tell that my hormones took me in a depressive direction this month?) Complete with the flying metaphors from last fall too.

And then, I pulled this Angel card, after telling Kristin and Rod that I always pull the "Signs" card:

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So the Universe is basically yelling at me, guys. I guess I need to start listening.

 

  • This Kodak moment likely would not have happened had I saged Sharkey like I offered to! 😂
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  • On Sunday, Pops was out all day, and when the cat's away, the mice will play... which means breaking out the nail polish! I love painting my nails, but I hadn't done it in ages because Pops hates the smell. But having my nails painted this gorge gold-infused purple (Zoya Zara) has given Stella (some of) her groove back!
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  • I also picked up the howlite ring above at Francesca's this week! 😍

 

  • I randomly started watching Happy Endings on Hulu this week, which is a great show if you're just looking for a fun comedy. I have fallen in love with Adam Pally and his adorable/fantastic accent, and Damon Wayans Jr. is just hilar.
 exhibit A

exhibit A

  • One extra thing, since it was a big week in Philly sports, what with Chase “The Man” Utley being in town likely for the last time before retiring:
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My bffl and I love “The World Series Defense” ep of It’s Always Sunny. We have witnessed dudes at Citizens Bank Park basically weeping over Chase, so Mac’s love letter really isn’t too far off!  

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: July 20

JessComment

Let’s see what put the sparkle into this week:

  • On Saturday, you know what I really wanted to do? Hear the ocean and have a vanilla milkshake! (Vanilla is generally not my first choice for anything ever, so I have no idea where this was coming from!) So that’s what I did! I’ve now driven down the shore TWICE!! 🎉🎉
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  • Sunday was about a thousand degrees—I went for a walk and had to lay down on the floor under the air conditioner afterwards to recover! So it was definitely an ice cream day! We went to Pops’s favorite place (Handel’s), and I got Peppermint Stick for a change. It was SO GOOD. 
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  • On Wednesday, I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I called into a radio contest! 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ I knew the answer, and no one else had gotten it right, so I was like, "What the hell!" I didn’t end up getting through but maybe next time! I love this game called “Connect 3” on the classic rock station—they play three songs, and you have to figure out what they have in common. The three songs on Wednesday were “Gypsy,” “Breakfast in America,” and “Stuck in the Middle with You.” Any thoughts?

 

  • How fun is this wallet that I found for $5 at Target?! The iridescent mermaid vibe makes me so happy! 😍😍 And it also has a removable crossbody strap, which I'm super pumped about. I love me a multitasking wallet!
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  • Lastly, I got a clean bill of health yesterday! I don’t think I’ve talked about this on here before, but two summers ago, I noticed a lump in my breast. Given my anxiety, you can imagine how calmly I handled that! But I went to the doctor, who assumed it was just something normal and benign (thank god one of us is sane) and sent me for more testing. It turned out to just be a normal, benign cyst (WHEW), but I’ve had to go back for regular check-ups ever since. Yesterday, though, they told me that everything looks good, meaning that I don’t need to be monitored as closely! HOORAY! I’m a lucky gal. ❤️

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: July 13

JessComment

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week!

  • I had a pretty chill weekend, which was much appreciated after last weekend's One Wedding and An ER Visit! I watched a lot of The West Wing (who am I?), got some dumb but delightfully satisfying tasks done (washing clothes! sorting the mail! reading a library book!), and even napped! The only legitimately exciting thing I did was soaking up some of these views in Reading again!
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  • On Tuesday, I found the hydrangea of my girly girl dreams! And a million other gorgeous flowers, as I took a different route on my post-therapy flower creep!
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  • And then I got this in the mail:
 It's so PURPLE! Like my  aura  ideally is!

It's so PURPLE! Like my aura ideally is!

My friend Kristin made me a BAG! Only the purplest bag in all the land! I'm so excited and touched (and IMPRESSED!) and can't wait to use it!

 

  • I loved this picture that popped up in my IG feed this week. I only need this reminder, oh, daily!
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  • Lastly, today marks FOUR YEARS of sparkle punching! ✨👊🏻 I can't believe I've kept this space alive for four whole years and made such awesome friends along the way! (So many friends, but a special shout-out to my ever-faithful readers, Mica and Bri!) After four years, this post is still probably the one that I'm most grateful to have hit publish on—and the one I most instantly regretted publishing. (I woke up the next morning like WHAT HAVE I DONE?!) But being open about my mental health struggles has been wildly freeing and changed my life so much for the better. Thanks for going along on this wild ride with me! ❤️❤️
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Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: July 6

JessComment

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week:

  • Well, the weekend got off to an interesting start, as I spent Friday night in the ER! Not for me, though: I was with a friend who thought she had appendicitis. (Don't worry, as soon as she informed me of this, I was like "DO YOU HAVE TENDERNESS OVER MCBURNEY'S POINT?!" #007) Luckily, she did not actually have appendicitis, so we got to chat about ER and Grey's, and I got to rubberneck over all the cool medical stuff! Hooray! 

 

  • The weekend improved on Saturday when one of my oldest friends got married! It was quite the bash! This was only the third friend wedding I’ve been to, and the first LIFELONG friend wedding I’ve been to, so it was really heart-warming to celebrate someone I've grown up with. ❤️
 She got married in our grade school church!

She got married in our grade school church!

  • I was really pleased with how my wedding outfit/make-up turned out, if I do say so myself! No part of this outfit was recently purchased (🎉), and I did my make-up in like seven minutes (🎉🎉)! 
  • On that topic, I didn’t do a budget post for June because I didn’t buy anything! (🎉🎉🎉) Ok, that’s not entirely true—I did buy a pair of heels for the wedding, BUT my old foot injury started bothering me, so I ending up wearing bejeweled flat sandals I already had and returned the heels. 

 

  • How did you spend the Fourth? I followed up my very patriotic Memorial Day viewing of World War II in Colour with Drunk History and The West Wing. (I have no idea where this sudden interest in The West Wing is coming from, but I'm going with it.) I went to our neighborhood bike parade (too cute) and then spent the rest of the day at a party with some of my dad's friends, who conveniently sent us home with a million desserts!
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  • Lastly, can you believe it: I had yet another lowkey celeb interaction on social media that made my life! (THREE WEEKS IN A ROW!) This time, a local DJ liked one of my fb posts! He used to be on the classic rock station, and I've been listening to it since seventh grade, so all of those guys have a special place in my heart. Apparently, he knows one of my fb friends, and I commented on a post about him, gushing (naturally), and he liked it! WHO WILL I BEFRIEND NEXT WEEK?! STAY TUNED...
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Hope you have a great weekend! Blogger friends, I’m sorry I'm so behind on reading your posts ack! xoxo

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July 2018 goals?

JessComment
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This goals post is not a goals post—it's an "I need a break from goals" post.

I'm doing so many things to try to "get better," but my mood and emotions have been all over the place for the past month+, and I'm worn out. What if I just AM? Can I just BE for a month?

That's not to say that I'm going to stop therapy or anything radical like that. I love therapy! But I have three therapists at the moment, and three doctors that I’m working with, plus yoga and dance, and I just don't feel like I can handle anything else on top of all that right now. So, a little break.

In other news, I did get my hormones tested (one of last month's goals), and they are all out of whack, so maybe that explains some of what I'm feeling! #blessed

Linking up with Nicole at Feel Good, Dress Better!

Oh, PS—the inspirational quote at the beginning of this post is brought to you by ‘90s General Hospital (naturally). 😂💯❤️

High Five for Friday: June 29

JessComment

Let’s see what put the sparkle into this week:

  • On Sunday, I had an unexpected reunion with my friend Kristin! The search for shoes for a wedding (that’s, oh, tomorrow nbd) led me to the Nordstrom Rack near her house, so she came and helped me look at 14690 pairs of shoes! I tend to do a lot of things by myself, so I forget that it's pretty nice to do stuff with friends.

 

  • Kristin also gifted me this cool moon book!
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It has tarot spreads and everything, if I ever get my act together enough to do a whole spread! Hilariously, we both immediately griped over the fact that the font size is like -10! My old lady eyes can’t handle this!  

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  • Before Kristin got there, I stopped for a donut! I didn't know there was a donut place in that shopping center, so that was a nice surprise!
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  • Tuesday marked the end of the meditation class that I inadvertently joined back in May! I didn't expect to go to that first class, let alone every single class after that! Or to actually practice meditating on my own! Being still and quiet usually feels very unsafe for me, but having this group to practice with every week helped to normalize it and make it seem less scary. Now I’m willing to do it by myself! For up to twenty minutes! WHO AM I ?! 😮

 

  • Lastly, in this week's installment of Becoming Instagram BFFs with the Cast of General Hospital, Emme Rylan (Lulu) posted the picture below of her daughter's birthday party, and I asked if those decorations would be approp for an upcoming 32 year old's birthday party (wink wink but actually...). AND SHE LIKED MY COMMENT! 💃💃💃

Did I have a 7 foot unicorn backdrop?! Ummm YASSSSSSSS! #happybirthdaydakota

A post shared by Emme Rylan (@emmerylan) on

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: June 22

JessComment

Remember last week when I said we were getting our kitchen redone? Yeah, well now we're getting our bathroom redone too! 😂😩 So this week was obviously a doozy (complete with a toilet on the lawn)! Let's see what brought the sparkle:

 

  • I'm always in awe of the mountain views that I see from the highway when I'm in Reading. So after therapy and teaching yoga on Saturday, I decided to try to find a place with a good view. I literally pulled over, googled something like "mountain view Reading," and ended up at a scenic lookout point like ten minutes away! Can you believe how gorgeous this is?! 😍
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  • I made some serious strides in my relationship with Brindle Pinky this week! She turned up meowing in our backyard on Friday night but hid from me, as per ush. I was able to slowly get closer and closer, with very low expectations, and she was climbing all over me in no time!! What is this life?! Just call me the cat whisperer!
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  • I got a mini-psychic reading on Tuesday! You may recall that I am not a touchy/huggy person, so I nearly died when "Physical touch is important" was one of the cards she pulled! I could feel my whole energy change, it was really interesting. Maybe I'd be more down with physical touch if it came from a gentleman in a feathered cap?
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  • Ok, this is a total General Hospital geek-out moment that no one will care about but me, but humor me. So back when I started watching GH in grad school (2009), I was really drawn into that brutal Kristina-Kiefer storyline and fell in love with Kristina/Lexi Ainsworth. I follow her on IG and saw some time ago that she was also in yoga teacher training. (Clearly, we're meant to be BFFs.) I don't know what possessed me to comment on an IG pic she posted yesterday in pigeon pose, but I did, and YOU GUYS SHE LIKED IT AND RESPONDED. WE'RE TOTALLY ON THE ROAD TO BFFHOOD NOW.
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  • Lastly, I give you the aforementioned toilet on the lawn. And if you have a toilet on the lawn, you're going to want a sink to go with it, right?
 stay classy ✌🏻

stay classy ✌🏻

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: June 15

JessComment

What a week this has been! It started with a total kitchen renovation (that's still in progress) and ended with the U2 concert! Only one of those things brought the sparkle (😂)... so let's see what else did!

 

  • At dance night on Friday, I felt a real passion for the healing qualities of yoga and movement. I was also thinking of ways I could harness that with my newfound ability to teach, and then I pulled this card. OKAY UNIVERSE HI! 😂👋🏻
  💃💃💃

 💃💃💃

  • My new favorite show is Total Bellas on E! Does anyone else watch this?! I don't even know how this started (it’s not like I watch wrestling), although I did start following Nikki Bella on Instagram after she was on DWTS last fall. You guys, I am so sucked in. I am legitimately worried for Nikki and John's relationship, and I love Brie and Bryan. (I also really love that, on this show with two glamazons, Bryan’s just this crunchy granola dude who really loves his seed subscription box!)
  • Remember when I went on that retreat in January? Well, that’s where I met Garett (my first yoga student, you might recall!), and he has become a very dear friend in the last six months. Garett owns a cheese shop in Colorado and is donating a portion of the sales this weekend to the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Suicide has affected his life very differently than mine, but he was kind enough to include me in this initiative. Garett bravely shared about his experience with suicide on the store's Facebook page, so you can read more about it here. And if you're in the Littleton area, definitely stop by and support him! They also take orders over the phone. I did call the suicide hotline (or, rather, Kristin did, because she is a goddess) the night before I went inpatient back in 2013, so this initiative is near and dear to my heart. In light of the recent celebrity suicides, I’ve seen a lot of skepticism over the idea that suicide hotlines can actually help, but it really did help me. ❤️

 

  • U2! Pops and I had never seen them live before, so he was very gung-ho about seeing them on this tour. My interest in them has waned over the years, BUT I did used to love them—I even did my ninth grade research project on them in Mrs. Smith’s English class! 😂 The concert was sort of weird, not gonna lie. I mean, they sounded great, and I know they just did a whole Joshua Tree tour, but NO songs from that huge album?! Come on, throw us a bone here!
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  • Lastly, in honor of Father's Day, I give you this golf headline from April because I still can't believe that I not only know who these people are, but that I also have ~feelings~ about this outcome. (When will Rickie Fowler when a major championship?!) That's the dad effect right there! 😂
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Hope you have a great weekend! xo 

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High Five for Friday: June 8

JessComment

Let's see what put the sparkle into this week!

  • So when I did my yoga teacher training, I had no aspirations of actually teaching--I really just wanted to be in a community and also forced to do yoga more. So naturally, I now have a student! 😂😂 And I taught her for the first time on Saturday! I got to incorporate two of my loves, Victorian poetry and dance, into the class, and she seemed to like it, so I was basically doing cartwheels! haha

 

  • This has not been a bad anxiety week, hooray! On Tuesday, my therapist even said that I was the best she'd ever seen me, anxiety-wise! (I've been seeing her for almost three years, so WOW/YIKES!) In my June goals post, I talked about how my hormones seem to be affecting my anxiety, and I’m still a week out from ~that time of the month~, so this is very interesting. I did really feel quite good on Tuesday, like focused and together, rather than edgy and obsessive. So it is possible! I am capable of feeling that way! Good to know! 🎉😂
 This guy also brightened up my Tuesday!

This guy also brightened up my Tuesday!

  • You guys, I started reading last week. Like, an actual book. For FUN! 😮 I think being an English major twice over really killed my love of reading (because it became so much like work), so I'll take this sudden desire to read! A few years ago, I bought a bunch of my favorite random library books from like fifth and sixth grade from Amazon, and one of those '80s YA gems is what I suddenly wanted to read last week, go figure.

  • This week's Weird-Ass Song comes to you courtesy of Cher. That broad sure can rock an '80s power ballad. This is an excellent song for belting out in your car, in case you were wondering. And the video is basically Dirty Dancing with bigger hair, less clothing, and more candles. 💯 for sure.
  • Lastly, I have no idea why Jesse Williams (aka Jackson from Grey's Anatomy) is posting memes about rompers, but this made me laugh out loud while also being TOO REAL at the same time. 😬

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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May 2018 Budget

JessComment

Guys, hold onto your hats--I didn't buy ANYTHING in May! The three things I'm going to mention here were actually bought in April, but after my April budget post.

It seems like when my anxiety goes berserk, I can't handle shopping anymore. I can't focus on anything, so the idea of walking around looking at things, when I might burst into tears or start panicking, just seems like way too much to deal with. I would say that this is good for my bank account, buuut all of my money in May went toward extra therapy, yoga, and meditation! At least those are positive things to be spending my money on, I guess!

ANYWAY! Here are a few tops I picked up at Plato's Closet at the end of April (when I was really feeling the color green, apparently!):

 

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  1. Green Gap tee: $5
  2. Green tank: $7
  3. Blue Gap top: $7

TOTAL: $19

I've been really stressed about money lately, but I can live with spending only $19 on clothes/accessories/make-up/skin care in a month! I've been really into soft, slouchy shirts lately, and the Gap shirts definitely fit that criteria! And I've been looking for a dressy-ish tank or blouse to wear with skinny black pants because I literally have two tops like that, and I wear them to everything. I need to mix it up!

Did you get anything fun last month?

June 2018 goals

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Let's see what's on the white board this month!

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1. Try three more new things: GUYS. I thought for sure this would be the hardest goal last month, and I CRUSHED IT! So I decided to give it another whirl this month.

2. Get my hormones tested: I'm really starting to think that my hormones are affecting my anxiety. I've been noticing that my anxiety and obsessive thoughts get worse closer to my period. So while I'm never thrilled for blood work, I'm really curious if it could give me some insight and possibly a path toward relief.

3. Stick to budget for real this time: You'll see below why this one got off track, but I want to give it another try in June.

4. Keep up with meditation: I inadvertently joined a meditation class in May! (I was supposed to teach a yoga class that no one showed up for, and the meditation class was conveniently happening right after, so, hey!) I have a lot (A LOT) of resistance to breathing and sitting still and, well, not distracting, but I do want to give this meditation thing a shot.

5. Secret goal step #1: OooOOoo so mysterious! haha Nah, I'm just not ready to get into this one on here yet. But I think including it will help to keep me accountable (...maybe).

 

And how did May's goals go?

Do three new things (or, at a minimum, three things I don't regularly do): Well, let’s see... I taught a yoga class, drove to two new places, got energy healing, met with a potential private yoga client, went to three new yoga classes, and started going to the aforementioned meditation class. This is huge for me!! 🙌🏻

Get up early to start my day with a Kalyn Nicholson YouTube video: This goal was going along fine until major anxiety derailed a solid week, and I've had a hard time getting up early again when sleep is an alternative, haha.

Make budget and stick to it // pay off credit card: I did pay off my credit card and was doing fine with sticking to my budget until the anxiety storm hit. Then came extra therapy sessions and doctor's appointments and supplements, and I couldn't get myself to do things like, say, getting out of bed, let alone balancing my checkbook. So the budget went off-track. I'm just glad it was due to regular therapy and not retail therapy for a change! 

Self-freaking-care: Hmm... I did make self-care a priority when I was forced to (during the anxiety storm). The next step, I guess, is integrating these things into my life when I'm only feeling low-grade anxiety. 

Taking alone time for myself at home: This did happen sometimes, hooray! 🎉

 

Well, as usual, this month's tarot card was spot-on. Although when I pulled it, I was rather concerned by the number of fiery sticks!

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Holding my ground? Courage and persistence? Fear about not being able to win everybody over? ✔️✔️✔️ 

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What are you working on this month? How do you manage intense anxiety?

Linking up with Nicole at Feel Good, Dress Better!

High Five for Friday: June 1

JessComment

Well, this week just flew by! What even happened?! Let's find out what brought the sparkle!

  • On Monday, I went over to a friend’s house, which worked out well because I woke up super anxious, but he also has anxiety, so he was fine with it. It was possibly the most patriotic Memorial Day I’ve ever had, because he had on World War II in Colour on Netflix! Chatting against the backdrop of the war in the Pacific was an unexpected way to spend the day! 😂 I also got to check out the pretty flowers in his neighborhood, which you know I was all about! 😍
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  • This has been the song of the week, thanks to my friend Kristin getting on a CSN kick. The first time I heard “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” I’m pretty sure I was riding in the car with Pops in seventh grade, and it blew my mind. Those harmonies are just unreal. 
  • Speaking of music, Pops went to the Bowie exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum on Wednesday (so jealous!) and brought me back this Low magnet! (Which is sort of hilarious because he’s generally 🙄 about Low, but I love “Be My Wife” and “A New Career in a New Town”!) David Bowie was actually my first concert, on what turned out to be his last tour. 💔 I was a junior in high school, and I got to see David Bowie. What a lucky duck. 
  • Yesterday marked TWO YEARS with my lil babydoll car!! WOW. And to think, I had just started exposure therapy for driving when I first joined the H54F link-up back in 2015! Crazy. Being able to drive all over the place with (some) ease may not seem like a big deal, but it is freaking miraculous for me! 🎉

 

  • Lastly, trying to keep Pops apprised of the NBA players the Kardashians are dating is a full-time job. At least this time, he already knows who Ben Simmons is!
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...unlike when I broke the news that Khloe was having a baby with Tristan Thompson! 😂 

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Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: May 25

JessComment

YOU GUYS! The sparkle is back! I’m finally feeling better after a week-long bout of super-intense anxiety! 🎉 Here’s what else was sparkling this week:

 

  • Firstly, a friend posted this, and it was definitely something I needed to hear. ❤️
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  • Because my anxiety was still going berserk last Friday, I signed up for a yoga class with the teacher who teaches the Sunday class that I usually go to. And I ended up being the only one there! So I got to chat with her for awhile about my anxiety (she could relate), and she geared her whole class around that, which was so nice and definitely helped calm me down, at least for a little bit.

 

  • On Saturday, I again woke up feeling super anxious, so I went to another yoga class, and during the class, I briefly lost it. Like all of the feelings I'd been trying to avoid just crashed down on me and left me panicked. AH. But I made it through! After class, I didn't want to go straight home, and I also didn't feel up to painting my toes for a wedding I was going to that night (I was in a sorry state!), so I got a pedicure! And ended up having to walk 0.4 miles in those foam flip flop thingies like a rube (as you may have seen on my Insta Stories)! But that made me laugh, which was a welcome occurrence--as was just sitting around reading People magazine while someone else did the thing I couldn't get my act together to do!

 

  • On Saturday night, I got to watch my dear friend Sara get married! And see a few of my old work friends, which was a delight! (I went stag and legitimately could have known no one, so I almost did cartwheels when I saw their names on the seating chart!) Sara had just met her now HUSBAND around the time that I first met her (at our old job), so I feel like I've seen all the stages of their relationship. But most importantly, they had a freaking DONUT WEDDING CAKE, which, besides being amazing, should make it easy to see #whywerefriends haha! 
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  • Lastly, it seems to follow that the more wigged out I am, the more 1998-99 Lucky and Liz I'm watching—so you know I was tuning into them last week, haha! They're just so darn adorable. This scene is super sweet but also made me chuckle because what song would be better for a morose soap opera montage in 1998 than "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls? (I've actually always liked the Goo Goo Dolls, so this also sent me down a rabbit hole with them!)

And while we're on the topic of irises, look at this beauty I found after therapy on Monday! I've never seen this color scheme before! #PurpleIsANeutral

 Private Iris is watching you 🕵🏻‍♀️

Private Iris is watching you 🕵🏻‍♀️

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

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High Five for Friday: May 18

JessComment

TGIF indeed because my anxiety has been bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S) this week. I’ve just had this overwhelming feeling of fear and dread. YAY. I keep trying to remind myself that this will pass, and I will feel better again. 🤞🏻 So since that did not bring the sparkle this week, let’s see what did! 

 

  • I lit this candle from the lovely Bri for the first time because it was definitely the vibe I needed to create! 
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  • My friend/personal anxiety savior Kristin graciously took me in when the only thing that would calm me down was chatting about nothing and running errands! And walking from room to room listening to "laurel" and "yanny." (Pops cannot fathom that anyone can hear anything but "laurel." "Come on, that's 'laurel,' babe!”)

 

 

  • My friend Garett was in town this week, and it was great to see him! (Bonus that he became my first post-YTT yoga student after I ended up subbing a class on Tuesday!) He’s such a positive, adventurous spirit and is so encouraging—he's one of those friends that makes you feel like you can do anything, you know? A real gem.

 

 

  • Friday was dance night with my dear Maggie and the other ladies, which was wonderful and a much-needed outlet. Then on Saturday morning, I ended up in a yoga class with one of the other YTT gals, and we chatted for awhile afterwards. It was so nice to get a taste of being back in that awesome community! (She and the teacher also helped me get into a few supported inversions after class, which was hilarious. I was basically like "Hmm, yeah ok, put me down now please!" 😂)

 

 

  • Lastly, in trying to make my room into more of a sanctuary, I really wanted to add some cute battery-powered lights. Well don’t you know at Mother’s Day dinner last weekend, my mom whips out a few small gifts for me, including A STRAND OF ADORABLE BATTERY-POWERED LIGHTS! I had not told her about this quest of mine, and she apparently found them months ago. (In the $1 Spot it seems! How?! I never saw them!) Magic from the universe! 🤗
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Hope you have a great weekend! Blog friends, here's hoping I catch up on comments this weekend! (I love them all, I've just been super behind!) xo

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High Five for Friday: May 11

JessComment

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week!

  • On Saturday night, I finally emptied my gratitude jar! I had added to it all through 2017, but I was being such a negative Nelly at the start of 2018 that I didn’t want anything to do with it. So I just kept adding to it until it was basically overflowing! Emptying it really gave me a glimpse into who and what truly have a positive impact in my life. ❤️
 $1 Spot ftw!

$1 Spot ftw!

  • On Sunday, I got to see my cousin star as Ariel in her ballet school’s production of The Little Mermaid, which was obviously adorable!

 

  • I happened to get $5 in Extra Bucks at CVS (!! when does that ever happen?!), so I treated myself to a new lip gloss. I’d never bought anything by Make Up Academy before, but this one had good reviews and wasn’t sparkly. I was looking for more of a pink shade (than my usual nude), so I went with “Rose.”
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Despite how bold it is in the tube, it’s very wearable, as evidenced by this lovely in-car selfie!

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  • One of the new things I’m working on this month is a vision board! I’ve made ones on Pinterest before, but I’m hardly ever on Pinterest, which makes it too easy to ignore them. I usually roll my eyes so hard at vision boards, so this is a big step for me, you guys! I recently watch a video about how to make one that I really liked (naturally posted by Kalyn, that goddess), and I’ve assembled my supplies over the past week! Now it’s time to put it all together!
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  • Lastly, I only cried once during this week's Grey's, and it ended up being way less tragic than I'd feared, THANK GOD! 

 

Hope you have a great weekend! xoxo

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May 2018 goals

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The start of April was a bit of a disaster, so I never got a goals post up. Probably for the best considering my emotional state at the beginning of the month! (Remember my three therapy sessions in three days? Yeahhh...) But it's May now, and I'm not an emotional wreck, so let's see what's on the white board!

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Do three new things (or, at a minimum, three things I don't regularly do): My world has become so small, you guys. All I really do is go to work and therapy. I don't think I've talked about it on here before, but I've been wondering if I have a touch of agoraphobia because the fear that something bad will happen often keeps me from leaving the house to do anything optional. (So things like work and therapy are okay.) A few months ago, my therapist was pushing this idea of expanding my world, and I was not into it at all, but now I see and feel that I really need to do it. AND THE UNIVERSE IS TELLING ME THIS TOO SEE BELOW.

Get up early to start my day with a Kalyn Nicholson YouTube video: I don't know what it is right now (because I've watched a few of her vids in the past), but I am just super connecting to Kalyn's vibe and message, and I'm getting lots of energy from it. She's so inspiring and makes me want to tap into my creative side that I so easily squelch. She talks about a lot of things that I want to get back into (like the law of attraction and just generally making positive choices).

Make budget and stick to it // pay off credit card: As I said in my April budget post, April was a bit of a doozy financially. The payment schedule at work changed, and I was scrambling just to pay my bills. Now that the dust has settled, I need to pay off my credit card and make a realistic budget for May that I feel like I can stick to--because if the budget is way too tight, I tend to not even try, as the whole thing feels like a lost cause from the start, you know? 

Self-freaking-care: Eating. Sleeping. Basic things. I definitely didn't make the healthiest choices in April--I skipped meals, and I let myself get to the point of exhaustion because I felt "lazy" taking a nap (even though anxiety has been waking me up way before my alarm). I just need to take better care of myself, period.

Taking alone time for myself at home: I tend to struggle with just doing my own thing if other people are around. And I live with my dad, who is retired and thus often around! I've slowly been making my room into more of a happy place/sanctuary and spending time in there when no one is home, so hopefully, that comfortability carries over. I am an introvert, so I really do need to be able to break away from other people and recharge sometimes.

 

So I happened to pull a tarot card a few weeks ago that was so super relevant to my life right now that I'm going to use it as my card of the month (instead of pulling a Healing with the Angels card).

I pulled this handsome fella, reversed:

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My tarot knowledge is pretty limited, so I usually marvel over the OOTC (outfit of the card) and then google the card's message. Here is the reversed Two of Wands' message:

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SO. WILDLY. ACCURATE. I actually pulled the card before coming up with the goal to do more new things, but I've been having that "stuck" feeling for awhile. So I was basically like, "OK UNIVERSE! I'M GETTING THE MESSAGE!"

What do you hope to do in May? Any tips for combating fears of leaving the house? 😬

 

Linking up with Nicole at Feel Good, Dress Better!