Let's see what brought the sparkle this week!
- On Saturday, I actually went out by myself, HOORAY! And I went to a nearby shopping center that I usually avoid because the parking lot configuration and general crowdedness freak me out! (This was my first time driving there ever!) AND I put back a few shirts I considered buying! So this was a major accomplishment on many levels, haha. These booties were probably not the most responsible choice (didn't I just get boots??), but I just totally fell in love with them.
- Pops and I celebrated Easter with a friend of his who plays the drums, which meant that Pops brought his guitar so that they could jam... and I got in on it too with my first-ever turn on the drums! And I LOVED IT!! I basically just played ~a~ drum and ~a~ cymbal but still! I felt so bad-ass!
- My friend Deena sent me this tweet, which pretty much sums up my life in grad school:
Well, except for one little change:
🎶Say hello to your friends, Babysitters' Club!🎶
- Guess what turned up on our doorstep this week!!!!
The Cinnamon saga continues! She is just the biggest pile of fluff ever. Apparently, I'm willing to overlook allegations of involvement in Birdgate if you show up on my doorstep looking cute. Too bad she wants nothing to do with me!
- And let's end this post with some pretty flowers that Pops got me for Easter! 😍
Hope you have a great weekend! xo
How I journal
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Because I mentioned in my Rebirthday post that journaling has been hugely helpful in my recovery from suicidal thoughts, I thought I would expand on my journaling process a little. But it's not a "process" at all--it's surprisingly unstructured for a type-A person like myself! Here's how it goes (in case you want to take notes 😜):
1. Have an intriguing or emotionally-charged thought.
2. Write it down.
3. See what happens.
Seriously. I just write when I think of/realize something interesting or insightful (especially something that could possibly be explored more in therapy). And I just write for however long it takes to spit out that thought. And a lot of the time, magic happens--I get another, sometimes completely out-of-left-field thought or insight, which is pretty darn cool and often more interesting than the original thought I'd had! Or if I'm writing because I'm freaking out about something, in time, I'm usually able to start taking off the anxiety goggles to see the situation as it really is.
I don't journal every day, and I never aim to write either a certain number of pages or for a set period of time. I also usually journal on the fly (while sitting on the couch, while on the train, etc.), which keeps it from becoming just another pressurized thing on my to-do list.
I've gone through a few journals since 2013... 😬
I have a hard time sitting still, and certainly sitting still with my emotions, but the act of journaling seems to make the "sitting still" less still and therefore more tolerable, you know? But full disclosure--journaling was a tough habit for me to get into. My first journal, which was just a marble notebook given to me by one of the nurses when I was inpatient, was more like a diary of what was going on each day in the hospital than how I felt about things.
Where it all began. This quote from My Darling, My Hamburger really jumped out at me as I was working on my MA thesis (which I had just finished a few months before inpatient).
But once I started exploring deeper, "scarier" thoughts in writing, I started to understand myself and the seemingly incongruous things I did and felt more. Some things finally started making sense. The writing also helped to "tame" some of the scariness of the thoughts, as writing forced my brain to slow down and actually consider the truth of a situation or thought, rather than just believing it without question. And, on a purely practical level, the act of writing helped me to actually remember said thoughts to bring them up in therapy!
So yeah, that's it! A super chill habit that's really paid off for me. ❤️
High Five for Friday: April 14
CommentFriday sure snuck up on me, which I guess is the sign of a good week? Here's what brought the sparkle:
- We had a cat stakeout on Sunday morning when Pops spotted a cat suspiciously returning to the scene of the injured-bird crime... none other than THAT DASTARDLY CINNAMON! Pops had seen her outside our back door but lost track of her upon alerting me, so like any good detective duo, we split up. While I had the overhead view covered from my bedroom window, Pops opened the kitchen door, which sent Cinnamon out of hiding. This sight led to me shrieking and Cinnamon fleeing. I'm a fine undercover cop.
I then went out into the backyard and found a camouflaged Cinnamon next door. YOU WIN THIS ROUND.
- On Monday, I had a different kind of animal encounter--with an adorable, waddly groundhog! I was legit standing in the parking lot at work, squeaking, "You're sooo cuteeee!!!!" the whole time. (Don't worry, I edited that commentary out of the video.)
- On Tuesday, I went a "mixed-level" yoga class, which is waaay out of my comfort zone! (I usually try to stick with "beginner" or "gentle" classes, given my complete lack of physical strength.) So I was already a bit nervous when I got to the studio, and I then I found out that the class would include "partner poses." YIKES. My intention for the class was literally "Don't panic cry"! But I did manage to stick to that intention LOL! Aside from the partner pose, it was actually a pretty fun, rejuvenating class!
- After three years, I'm finally bringing myself to watch season 9 of How I Met Your Mother. (I saw a few episodes and the finale in real time and then promptly boycotted that season.) I'm still not thrilled with it (ugh, stupid wedding format), but as a huge Karate Kid fan when I was younger, I LOVED this moment (which I sadly can't find on YouTube):
I hated Johnny Lawrence SO MUCH and totally would have booed/thrown popcorn at him.
- Finally, in this installment of "Weird Ass Song of the Week," we have the soundtrack to the delightful SNES game Earthbound, in which you save the world from alien take-over (natch) with your pals while wielding a baseball bat and using a teddy bear as a shield. Totally normal. I'm not sure what possessed me to start listening to it again, but the music is as cute and catchy as it was in 1995! It actually helped me to get through a ton of work this week! Who knew?
Hope you have a great weekend! xo
High Five for Friday: April 7
CommentHoly April, Batman! Let's see what put the sparkle into this week:
- Most of last weekend was consumed with cleaning out our basement, the theme of which was "What IS this??" (And in the case of some family photos "WHO is this??" Oops.) Per my request, Pops had to open every box or bag first, lest any bugs or Bradlees bags jump out. 😱😱 The only reason this is a highlight is because it felt really good to get rid of old crap we don't need anymore!
- MAN OH MAN it's been a cat bonanza this week! On Sunday, I found Whitey, who I've only seen once before, and also this ragamuffin, who our elderly neighbor refers to (with great disdain) as "that CINNAMON cat!!" So when Pops and I spotted her, we are both like *gasp* "Cinnamon!!" THAT DASTARDLY CINNAMON.
- And then on Monday, I found CALICO PINKY sitting on our steps!!! I literally greeted her with open arms! But she only gave me a few bumps because she was apparently late to a very important meeting with Greyie here:
💖😭💖😭
- I rarely feel compelled to go out during the workday, but for some reason, I was actually excited by the thought of going to the Nordstrom Rack near work this week and trying to find some boots on sale. I'd say I had a successful trip!
🙌🙌🙌
I got $240 Born boots for $35, and two tops for $9 and $13! Now I might finally be able to get rid of my six-year-old boots that are literally falling apart!
- Lastly, in this week's installment of "Weird-Ass Song of the Week"... The Eagles are one of those bands that I always forget I like. So while this week's song is definitely not as weird-ass as, say, Oingo-Boingo, it's weird for me to think to listen to the Eagles. And this particular song is a weirder choice from their repertoire than, say, "Hotel California." (Timothy B. Schmit on vocals whaaaat?) BUT IT'S JUST SO GOOD AHHHH.
Here's to a great weekend! xoxo
April 2017 goals
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Let's see what's on the white board for April!
1. Be curious about how things like sleep, diet, caffeine, exercise, water intake, etc. make me feel. Because trying to change any of those things tends to make me react like a freshly awoken piranha plant in Mario 64, I'm just going to try to pay attention to them and see what I can learn this month.
2. So that I keep going to yoga, even though my first-month trial period is now over (wahh!).
3. I've had a hard time sticking with a breathing practice, but the vibrations of chanting have a similarly calming effect while also giving my mind something to focus on. (And my usual word of choice is "om.")
4. Similar to goal #1, I just want to pay more attention to when I order stuff from Amazon, and what I order, and why. Having free two-day shipping makes it too easy to order anything under the sun, and I just want to be mindful of that this month--rather than trying to stop using Amazon altogether, which might drive me to spend even more money on there!
5. Oh, the weekend. The thought of leaving the house on the weekend often strikes me as laughable, as in "Why on earth would I do that?!" which I think really means "Why on earth would I tempt fate by going out when I don't HAVE to?" Especially since I have no problem going out on the weekend if Pops is with me (and driving). Hmm. Going out by myself for a non-obligation won't feel normal unless I do it more and see that the world doesn't end, right? (Bleh.)
Whew! Ok, so how did March's goals go?
1. Do taxes: CHECK, THANK GOD. Getting my taxes done was such a pain in the ass, so I'm really glad they're over with!
2. Go to yoga: CHECK! I went to six classes in March and want to continue with the early AM hatha class!
3. Morning Pages: A big nope. I did it a few times, but sitting quietly and forcing myself to write three pages really stressed me out. I had no problem doing my regular journaling, though, so I suspect the structure of Morning Pages is what kept me from doing it more.
4. Write two non-link-up blog posts: Half-check. I got up my Rebirthday post, in addition to the usual link-up posts.
5. Do it now: CHECK! I did think of this phrase often and then go "UGH" and actually do whatever it was that I was about to blow off, which I guess is a good thing?
As for my phrase of the year ("out of hiding"), it was a rough month, as you might have gathered from April goal #5! I did manage to go to the mall near work (at night! gasp!), and I did start going to 7 AM yoga, but other than that, I did a lot of hiding. We'll see how it goes in April.
Linking up with Nicole at Writes Like a Girl!