Let's see what put the sparkle into this week:
- You guys... I DROVE DOWN THE SHORE (#Phillygrammar) ON SATURDAY!!! This meant driving a new, multiple highway route that is 90 minutes one way. And I survived!! The drive itself was actually pretty easy; I can get on a highway and go straight for 30 miles no prob haha. And it was so great to see and hear the ocean. I would walk about five steps and then stop to take a scenic picture, so it's a good thing I went by myself! I'd been wanting to do a day trip to the beach and blowing it off (👋 anxiety), but when I finally got up the nerve to go at 4:30 in the afternoon, I capitalized on it, even though that made for a short trip. My dream is to one day just go and sit on the beach and read a magazine, and now the driving part of that is less daunting!
- Despite my love of self-help books, I haven't read any Marianne Williamson, but I was recently acquainted with this quote that so completely captures a lot of my fears and anxieties. I definitely hide and keep myself small to avoid seeing how much I could actually do in the world, beyond my bubble of control.
- I wasn't remotely interested in Game of Thrones coming back until Sunday afternoon and then it was like MUSTWATCH. Except that I apparently don't remember a darn thing from the previous seasons and I missed the "Previously on," and my (night's) watch buddy Pops has only seen about four other episodes in the entire series. So it was def the blind leading the blind.
At least I can identify these two people... and Luda.
- The latest Weird-Ass Song of the Week is Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell," which I downloaded before driving back from the shore and have had on repeat basically ever since. Speaking of... does anyone remember the "Rebel L" spoof on Sesame Street? (If not, well, you're welcome.) "Rebel L" is definitely on a VHS tape somewhere in our house, probably mixed in with scenes from Patch and Kayla's wedding because it was the late '80s after all.
- Lastly, a comical thing that happened. I've never gotten an iOS News alert in my life, but I think I accidentally opened the app this week, and so on Thursday, I got my first alert ever... and it was about OJ being paroled. And, as you might remember, I'm super fascinated by the OJ case and was all in for The People v. OJ Simpson. So, well-played, News app. Well-played. 👏👏
Don't mind all my Amazon pillow orders, I'm just 90. 👵🏻✌️
Hope you have a great weekend! xo
2017 goals check-in
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Now that we're more than halfway through the year (YIKES), it seems like a good time to revisit my 2017 goals! Or, more accurately, to remind myself what they are because I am really good at setting goals and then forgetting about them (or just blowing them off altogether).
Goal 1: Work a more normal schedule
This is one that I've actually attempted but found to be disappointing. As appealing as a more normal (i.e. not 11-7) schedule sounds, it also means that I'm commuting at the same time as more people and end up sitting in traffic. I'd rather just stay later at work and breeze home than deal with that.
Goal 2: Stop living paycheck to paycheck
Weeellll... I did not forget about this goal, but it's probably been the hardest one for me. I actually started talking about it in therapy this week because my impulse spending has been way out of control lately. I pay my bills on time and I make a budget, but I end up ultimately blowing off said budget and YNAB. (I like YNAB in theory but can't seem to consistently use it.) I'm starting to realize that I am just not a future-oriented person (in more ways than one), so the idea of putting money aside for next month's bills is kind of unfathomable to me. I'm going to really have to work at it and be more disciplined.
Goal 3: Get new glasses
CHECK! I crossed this one off in early 2017 and can finally see again!
Goal 4: Switch to a fee-free bank
Well, no, but thanks to my tax return, I have enough money in my bank account to negate the fee. So I achieved this goal (for now at least), just without the method I had envisioned.
Goal 5: Have a $1,000 emergency fund
CHECK again thanks to my tax return! The hardest part will be maintaining it because having a safety net makes it easier to do stupid, impulsive things.
Goal 6: Take a vacation
No, but Pops and I are trying to figure something out before the end of the summer.
Phrase of the Year
I knew that "out of hiding" would give me a challenge, but it's been even harder than I anticipated, mainly because I thought making it an ongoing goal would push me to actually do it. But no. Doing new things makes me anxious, and being around (most) people makes me anxious, and those are real deterrents for trying to step out of your comfort zone! Feeling self-conscious is a huge obstacle for me too, especially out in public. I have a much easier time doing things with other people because they act sort of like an invisibility shield and also make me feel safer/less vulnerable. So I guess I've learned a lot from having this as a goal, even though the action part of it has been a bit of a fail.
Year to Date Spending (from budget posts): $694
I don't know why, but I always feel like little bits of money being saved or spent don't add up. Of course, that's not true, and I don't "need" the majority of the things that I buy. I know that and yet... here we are. Plus, the above total does not include July, and I've completely lost my damn mind this month. In 2016, I spent $1,142 in my budget posts, and I don't want to exceed that this year... but there's still five months to go! Eep!
High Five for Friday: July 14
CommentIt's the freakin' weekend!! So let's see what put the sparkle into this week:
- On Sunday, I had brunch with a few grad school pals I hadn't seen in awhile, which was delightful! Then I spotted this flower mural on the walk back to my car and obviously had to take a picture! (Because I can't resist flowers in any form.)
- After brunch, it pretty much became self-care Sunday, during which I literally sat in my backyard journaling and reading magazines while listening to ocean sounds, haha! And then I put on Grey's and took a nap! 👌
- No cats have been around lately, but we do have a (usually) friendly bunny who hangs around our yard. On this day, however, he was not interested in company!
- This week, I had the opportunity to help two friends with mental health-related issues, and being able to do so really warmed my heart and made me feel purposeful. It also ended up making me feel even more confident in my own treatment path to keep my suicidality in check.
I saw this ridiculously beautiful sunset (and also a rainbow!) after leaving one friend, which seemed poetic.
- And lastly, July 13 was my third blogiversary! Holy moly! I can never remember when I started this blog, so I never paid attention to the fact that it was the 13th. Thirteen is a strangely positive number for me. (Maybe because Pavel Datsyuk was a mainstay on my old fantasy hockey team? Lol) I often win at carnival games when I bet on 13, and 2013 was a year that dramatically changed my life (as it included inpatient, meeting B, starting the perfect job for an English major, moving into the city, meeting one of my current wonderful therapists...). AND something else I had forgotten (thank you, radio DJ, for reminding me!) is that Live Aid happened on July 13, 1985! Forget April 25--July 13 is the perfect date! 😂💜
Hope you have a great weekend! xo
High Five for Friday: July 7
CommentThis lovely week featured dental work, a trip to the DMV, and a giant bug in our basement. (I'm not sure which of those scenarios is most terrifying...) So I definitely had to look below the surface for the sparkle, but it was there!
- On Saturday, I went shopping for plants and promptly fell in love with all the dahlias!
My goal was to buy a few flowers to plant, particularly a zinnia because they look like dahlias but allegedly attract less bugs, buuut that was a fail once I saw all of these guys! 😍
- So I ended up getting a zinnia and a dahlia, and Pops and I planted them on the Fourth of July. And I learned that I don't like gardening! Womp! (Although this really should not be a huge surprise given my feelings about dirt and bugs.) If I plant flowers again, perennials seem to be the way to go for maximum prettiness and one-time effort!
Hi friends! 👋
- As if you couldn't tell, Pops and I had a low-key Fourth, complete with planting said flowers and watching the Storage Wars marathon! Just as our forefathers intended! 😂 That show is so ridiculous. We especially love all the corny puns that are featured in the recap at the end.
#blessed
- In case there was any doubt that our neighborhood is full of free-range cats, I looked up from my meditation one evening and saw this fellow stroll on by!
Who the heck are you?!
- And lastly, here is a wacky gif that my bffl and I currently can't get enough of:
We both had to work on Monday, so we said that everyone who had off was getting pinched by this guy... including Pops, who is retired! (Poor Pops.)
Hope you have a great weekend! xo
July 2017 goals
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How is it July already? Good. Lord. Here's what's on the white board for this month that I can't believe is already here:
1. Remember how I mentioned in my June budget post that I tend to just avoid looking at my bank account so that I can keep spending irresponsibly? YEAH...
2. Trying to consciously do one thing that makes me happy each day was really helpful for my mood in June, so I want to try to keep that going.
3. I keep feeling the impulse to work on this one story of mine and always shoot it down. So I hope that this goal will allow my mind to be like "Oh, this is legit now. You may proceed."
4. I've stuck with the Calm app more than any other meditation app or method I've tried, so let's see if I can keep that going too.
5. My screen time, especially on weekends, has gotten way out of hand. And there is no reason to be looking at stupid social media so much... although I do have a problem with wanting immediate answers to every question under the sun, and I don't see that changing!
But actually...
And let's see how my June goals went:
1. Put aside money for July bills: CHECK! Even with me being totally reckless with my spending! The fact that I used to pay my car insurance at the end of the month and am now with a company that charges at the beginning of the month definitely helped.
2. No online shopping: 3/4 CHECK! I did make one Amazon impulse purchase, so that was a fail, but going the rest of the month without succumbing to temptation is not bad at all. And I even talked myself out of a few online purchases by reminding myself of this goal!
3. One happy thing/day: CHECK? I definitely crushed this goal during the second-half of the month but can't remember how exactly it went at the beginning. I think well? (As a result, I've started jotting down my happy things on my bedroom calendar so that I can track them!)
4. Lavendaire's vision exercises: 3/4 CHECK (which is apparently now a thing) I did answer quite a few of these questions but had a bit of a breakdown during question 3 when I realized that I have a total negativity mind block that won't even let me consider my "dream life." We are working on this negativity in therapy now, but for that reason, I didn't go further with the questions. I did get some useful insights before hitting that wall, though.
Oh, I almost forgot about my phrase of the year ("out of hiding")! How promising! 😂 I did get out of the house much more, even if it was just to our porch or backyard, so that's good! And I've spent the past two Fridays with a friend, which is unheard of for this homebody!
What are you working on this month?
Linking up with Nicole at Writes Like a Girl!