August 2018 Budget

Well, I went a little nuts in my birthday month! 😬 It was also an emotional rollercoaster of a month, and I was not as disciplined with the retail therapy as I have been in months past whoops.

1. “Introvert” t-shirt (Target): $15

2. “Love you to the moon and back” tank top (Target): $15

3. Caffeine Solution 5% + EGCG (The Ordinary): $7

4. Azelaic Acid Suspension 10% (The Ordinary): $8

5. Glycolic 7% Toning Solution (The Ordinary): $9

6. Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA (The Ordinary): $6

7. Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1% (The Ordinary): $6

Not pictured:

1. A New Day Heartly sandal (Target): $20 on sale for $14

2. High-Waist Moto Leggings (Target, sold out): $15 on sale for $7

TOTAL: $87

In comparison to the months where I spent hundreds of dollars shopping, $87 ain’t bad. And I LOVE the Target shirts and have already worn them several times! I usually try to wait for sales there, but the “Introvert” shirt just spoke to my soul, and I’m really feeling a space/lunar vibe these days (plus purple—how could I resist?). I also really appreciate that the text “Love you to the moon and back” is really small (it’s not my favorite saying)… although that has caused several people to go “Wait, what does your shirt say?” and make more of an effort to read it! Kind of opposite of the effect I’m going for haha!

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It’s a shame that the moto leggings from Target are sold out because they are super soft! I legit tried them on last September and had self-control for 11 months! 😂

The sandals were an unexpected purchase back when Karuna and I raided Target’s shoe section! They’re… okay. I wanted a flat black sandal, so they definitely fulfill that need, but they’re not the most comfortable, and they’re a little big—I probably should have gone a half size down. (My feet are super narrow, so I’m only a 7 in theory haha.)

Lastly, I had been wanting to try The Ordinary for awhile, and I feel like the last time I looked them up, they would have been shipped from another country. But now that they’re on Beautylish, they’re so easy to buy! The products I picked were all geared to my skin concerns: redness, enlarged pores, uneven skin tone, and dark under-eye circles. I don’t know that I’ve noticed much in the way of changes, but I have sensitive skin, and no product has irritated it or made anything worse, so that’s a win! And none of the products has an annoying smell, which I deeply appreciate!

What did you buy last month?

High Five for Friday: September 14

Well, this was an interesting week! I got sick on Sunday, didn’t leave the house for a few days, and now am in the sounding-like-death-and-coughing-up-a-lung stage of my cold. EVERYTHING IS GREAT. Seriously, though, here’s what brought the sparkle:

• On Wednesday morning, Pops and I bought tickets to see Elton John… that night! He really puts on a great show. (I mean, he’s 71 and played for 2.5 hours straight! I can’t even get off my couch half the time!) So many of his songs are woven into my life in heartwarming ways. “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” was one of my first favorite songs when I discovered the classic rock station in seventh grade. I’m pretty sure “Tiny Dancer” was played at our junior prom (and I think I even danced with my date to it!). My bffl and I love “Benny and the Jets.” “Your Song” was played at that retreat I went to in January. “Philadelphia Freedom” played on the news the morning after that epic Flyers-Pens five overtime game in 2000. “Take Me to the Pilot” is a more recent jam that I love, and I was super pumped that he did it. GAH sorry to babble, but it was just a great great time. ❤️

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I was so pumped when I taped “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” off the radio in seventh grade that I definitely made my mom listen to it while we wrapped Christmas gifts that year. Merry Christmas 1999! 😂 #WhyAmILikeThis #stepintochristmas . . #eltonjohn #eltonjohnconcert #concert #music #someonesavedmylifetonight

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 13, 2018 at 5:41pm PDT

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Pops and I got tickets to the Elton John concert at, oh, 9:30 this morning. And a million things went wrong in trying to get there on time (which we did, miraculously!), but the shriek I let out when he started “Take Me to the Pilot” reminded me how happy I was to be there. 😁💃🎉 . . #eltonjohn #eltonjohnconcert #TakeMeToThePilot ✈️ #concert #spontaneous #joy

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 12, 2018 at 10:04pm PDT

#mood ✨🌈🦄

• Guys, a new soap opera has captured my heart! (gasp!) A few weeks ago, my friend showed me this ridiculous wedding episode of Days of Our Lives in which some chick’s fake teeth get knocked out in a melee and land in the bride’s bouquet. (Seriously. God, I love soaps.). But the other big thing happening in this episode, two dudes in tuxes crying the whole time, eventually stole my attention. (The one guy had just gotten his memory back, of course, hence the waterworks.) We quickly learned that they are Will and Sonny, a Days supercouple (!!). I’ve been catching up on their original falling in love story, and my heart can’t take it. They have such great chemistry, Chandler Massey is an amazing crier, and he and Freddie Smith are both v cute. To quote Cynthia Rose in Pitch Perfect: I’M ALL IN, BITCHES.

hilar but also #tooreal

• Back to classic rock... this has been the song of the week. I love Led Zeppelin and somehow had never heard “Bron-Yr-Aur” until this week. (What a fail!) It’s such a cute, jaunty acoustic instrumental!

• Since this week is National Suicide Prevention Week, I feel like I need to say something on that topic... although it’s really something that I talk about and think about all the time. I mean, I struggled with suicidal thoughts for years. The first one I can remember happened in September of my freshman year of high school. I was going to my first-choice school, with a lot of good friends, but the emotions and anxiety that this life change brought on completely overwhelmed me. (9/11 had just happened too, and for a such a sensitive kid, that couldn’t have helped.) All I wanted was for the feelings to go away; I couldn’t live with them. Enter suicide. Once that option presented itself and brought relief instead of fear, it was an open escape hatch for the next 12 years… until I accidentally told a friend about these thoughts in a very triggered moment. Today, after five years of therapy, and inpatient, and healing retreats, I can honestly say that suicide no longer has the same allure. Yeah, I still get triggered (… a lot) and struggle with a great many things, but I’m still here and have other ways to cope. It IS possible to disentangle yourself from suicide. ❤️❤️

• And if that doesn’t bolster your spirits, this inspirational message surely will! 😂

I’m glad that everyone else is is equally passionate about the correct spelling of the album haha!

Have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: September 7

My oh my, what a whirlwind week! I think Timmi and I lived ten lives in four days! 😂 Here’s what brought the sparkle:

• On Saturday, I was introduced to the Irish sport of camogie, the real reason Timmi was home (to play in a camogie tournament). Like the good Irish lass I am, I had no idea what was going on at any point. You can catch the ball, and throw it and hit it, and run with it, and balance it on your stick, and score goals, but also field goals too? 🤷🏼‍♀️ All I know is that Timmi played, and then we ended up in an accidental rave afterparty, and I found myself dancing to “Barbie Girl” with a lot of drunk girls. (I was completely sober and couldn’t understand how other people were resisting the siren song of terrible 90s jams!) It was WAY out of my comfort zone and also a blast. 

• On Sunday, I took Timmi to my fave yoga class, and then we went to a BBQ with her extended family... and I beat them all at Apples to Apples! Whoops. 😬

• On Monday, I continued to be Timmi’s adopted sister, and we continued our trend of accidentally going to cultural events by attending the German festival in the Northeast with her fam. 

We followed that up with a game of Cards Against Humanity that I did not win, so I’m allowed to come to future family events lol.

• Then on Tuesday, Timmi’s last day in PA, we basically lost our minds and crammed ALL THE THINGS into one day! We started out with ice skating, then I had therapy, then we had a delicious ice cream sandwich break (if you’re in Philly, Zsa's is amazing), then we went to Play It Again Sports so Timmi could get elbow pads (she started playing ice hockey this week) and I ended up getting hockey skates (#yolo), then we popped into another cool crystal shop and I went to therapy appt #2, and we finished up the day by finding some steals at Old Navy before crashing at her place with Whole Foods’ chicken clusters (also delish) and House Hunters International. I have the energy level (and temperament) of a 90 year old woman, so I’m amazed I survived! But it was such a fun day, and I was basically like, TIMMI, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! 😩

hijinks

 “Well, I guess this is happening.” 

• I'll finish with this IG post (sorry for reposting some of the pics above), since it really conveys my feelings on the week, and I'm about to crash because, like I said, I'm a 90 year old woman! 👵🏻

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WHAT. A. WEEK. We legitimately did all the things! @a_canny_lass is such a light in my life and has been for the past 17 (!!) years. This girl is always able to pull me out of my anxiety bubble and make the scary seem safe. When I’m alone, I struggle a lot with just leaving the house, but with Timmi, I saw my first camogie match, took up ice skating again (yes, I now own hockey skates 👌🏻), got some awesome crystals and an aura reading, saw beautiful flowers, befriended bereft puppers, and was actually living my best life, because it was light and fun, full of joy and connection. 💖 Good-byes are hard for me. They often feel like a death. So naturally, a death-related Grey’s quote has been floating around in my head today. #WhyAmILikeThis 🤷🏼‍♀️ (Just be glad it’s not a soap quote!): “You changed my life. You made it better, you made it brighter, full of joy.” Because that really encapsulates the last week for me. I 💖 you, 👻. #friends #anxiety #friendtherapyisthebest

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 5, 2018 at 4:18pm PDT

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: August 31

Oh man guys, these last two weeks have been bananas! I'm sorry I bailed on H54F last week. Let’s see what put the sparkle into the past TWO weeks!

• I did this super cool spiritual retreat on a whim last week! We learned a lot about energy healing (kind of like reiki but not) and even got to try it out on each other. Feeling the energy in my own hands was so wild and awesome. And as much as I struggle with meditation, I can see where it might be useful when I get lost in strong emotions... which happened last week, hence the break from H54F. I am always one to distract and avoid, but maybe if I let myself feel the feelings I run from, they won't come back and smite me later. One of the girls from the retreat (and YTT) is a real gem and has been helping to make meditation seem less scary, showing me how to access my breath when I'm super triggered and calm myself down.

• Last Tuesday (8/28) was my birthday! It was not a very exciting day, as I just worked and went to therapy, BUT I did wear my "Introvert" shirt and even threw in the flower crown for one of the therapy appointments! And hearing from so many friends is always fun! ❤️

IT ME! 😂 Finally busting out my “introvert” shirt in honor of my BIRTHDAY! 3️⃣2️⃣ holy moly. Here’s to owning who I am in the new year and getting more comfortable with being authentically me—sparkly, wacky, shy, sad, ok, and not ok—and letting others see it all too. Because the people who have shown up to support me on this journey are pretty rad. ✨😊💜💃😘 . . . #outfitoftheday #ootd #whatiwore #target #targetstyle #shy #introvert #birthday

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Aug 28, 2018 at 4:16pm PDT

• My real b-day celebration came once Timmi got to town! She is just the best. She always gets me to do the coolest things and is my co-pilot/DJ for life. ("How do you feel about Pitbull and Ke$ha?" “YES do it!”) Even though it was 1000 degrees, she braved Longwood Gardens with me on Wednesday because she is a true pal and flower devotee! I had no clue that Longwood had a dahlia garden, so that was a wonderful surprise! (Dahlias are my fave, and there were several purple varieties!!) I was literally walking around the dahlias singing "I'm So Excited"! #nochill

• On Thursday, Timmi and I went ice skating, which was a hilarious adventure. I took ice skating lessons as a kid, so it came back to me pretty quickly and was so much fun! Except for dodging a million wild kids. 😬

• We also went to two cool mystical shops and got crystals, and I got my aura picture and chakra picture taken! (Timmi had just recently done hers or else she would have been on board.) Purple was a big color for me, which may explain why I'm so drawn to it. 💜 And then we went back to Timmi's house and cuddled with her puppies, and watched Moonstruck, which I'd somehow never seen.

It was such a delightful two days! I have a hard time leaving the house when I’m alone, so I would not have done these things without Timmi. I had no idea there were so many cool things near my house! My emotions are still coming up and hijacking me at times, but not only am I eating and sleeping again (🙌🏻), the retreat and the time with Timmi have served as a sort of renewal and demonstration of what life can be beyond the bounds of my anxiety. ❤️

Hope you have a great long weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: August 17

Thank god it's Friday! You guys, this was one of those weeks where every day is a struggle. Not because anything bad happened, but because my emotions were all over the place. Ugh! But here’s what brought the sparkle:

• I’ve been posting my outfits on Instagram this month, and I was struggling over the weekend because I was in a capital M Mood and felt totally fake being all smiley and happy. That’s not what this space is about. So when I did my outfit post on Sunday, I was honest about how I was feeling... and it really made me feel better! It's not like I'm the only one who has rough days—so why fake it?

Day 7 : The first picture is what I wish I felt like today. I’m alive! I’m healthy! I’m off! The second picture, though, is more accurate. 😑 I’ve been really down this weekend and just... very unhappy. I don’t like when I get this way. It’s full Teagan and Sara: 🎶I wouldn’t like me if I met me.🎶 But it is what it is. We all have dark parts of ourselves that we don’t especially like, and they show up sometimes. I’m trying to keep in mind that there have been bright spots this weekend: like going to yoga (in this cute outfit!), watching GH (with @krisptoria via text 😂), reading the (long-neglected) PTSD Workbook (which made me feel less insane 💃), and finding out that my 👻 @a_canny_lass will be home on my bday! I guess I just have get ok with how I’m feeling and stop pressuring myself to do and be better/happier. I have therapy on Tuesday. I’ve been to yoga three days in a row. I’m doing the healthy things that I need to do. I’m not going to hurt myself. And I guess that is the biggest win here: I feel real shitty, yet suicide is NOT an option. 🎉🎉💖💃 If you read all that, you’re a true gem. 🙌🏻🤗 And get thee to Target because this super-soft lovely lunar shirt should still be there! ☺️ . . . #ootd #outfitoftheday #whatiwore #targetstyle #target #francescas #sketchers #realtalk #mentalhealth #yoga #depression #suicide

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Aug 12, 2018 at 1:43pm PDT

• On Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going to mope around the house, so I signed up for a yin yoga workshop! I had never done yin before and was actually quite scared! I'm not flexible, and I don't love how you have to stay in poses forever in restorative classes. But it turned out to be a really good class! I shocked myself with the poses I was able to do. It was definitely a physical challenge, but I think my body appreciated the stretching and the peaceful vibe. The teacher was super sweet too, which definitely helped!

• Then I went to my usual Sunday yoga class, which was great, and the teacher shared this—something that really resonated with me:

• Did you ever have a random line from a song or a show pop into your head out of nowhere and then it totally bugs you because you can't place it? Well, that happened to me a week or two ago, and I was finally able to track down the scene this week! The line was from Lucky and Liz, naturally. The part I remembered was Lucky saying, "When I all I wanted and couldn't really have was for you not to hurt anymore." Once I found the scene, I discovered that he says it to Liz early in her rape recovery on the topic of revenge. How he wanted to kill the guy that hurt her, but doing so wouldn't take away her pain, and that's what he really wanted. In my capital M Mood this week, I've been really angry, so finding that scene was just like, "Wow, ok Universe, thanks for the reminder!" Like, I do desperately want to feel better—but being angry and hurtful to other people isn't going actually make me feel better, you know? Forget the Bhagavad Gita—apparently, I get all my wisdom from '90s soaps. 😂😂

• Lastly, along with GH, I went full '90s musically this week and have been listening to a lot of the Goo Goo Dolls! I heard "Slide" on the radio and remembered how much I loved it in sixth grade and would eagerly wait for it to come on the radio. I actually got Dizzy Up the Girl at both houses on Christmas 1998, haha! So "Slide" has been a big one this week, but with "Iris," "Name," and "Black Balloon" thrown in too. I don't know that the Goo Goo Dolls were actually featured on Dawson's Creek, but now I want to watch that too. 😂 #full90s #WhoompThereItIs

Have a great weekend! xo