August 2018 Budget

Well, I went a little nuts in my birthday month! 😬 It was also an emotional rollercoaster of a month, and I was not as disciplined with the retail therapy as I have been in months past whoops.

1. “Introvert” t-shirt (Target): $15

2. “Love you to the moon and back” tank top (Target): $15

3. Caffeine Solution 5% + EGCG (The Ordinary): $7

4. Azelaic Acid Suspension 10% (The Ordinary): $8

5. Glycolic 7% Toning Solution (The Ordinary): $9

6. Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA (The Ordinary): $6

7. Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1% (The Ordinary): $6

Not pictured:

1. A New Day Heartly sandal (Target): $20 on sale for $14

2. High-Waist Moto Leggings (Target, sold out): $15 on sale for $7

TOTAL: $87

In comparison to the months where I spent hundreds of dollars shopping, $87 ain’t bad. And I LOVE the Target shirts and have already worn them several times! I usually try to wait for sales there, but the “Introvert” shirt just spoke to my soul, and I’m really feeling a space/lunar vibe these days (plus purple—how could I resist?). I also really appreciate that the text “Love you to the moon and back” is really small (it’s not my favorite saying)… although that has caused several people to go “Wait, what does your shirt say?” and make more of an effort to read it! Kind of opposite of the effect I’m going for haha!

It’s a shame that the moto leggings from Target are sold out because they are super soft! I legit tried them on last September and had self-control for 11 months! 😂

The sandals were an unexpected purchase back when Karuna and I raided Target’s shoe section! They’re… okay. I wanted a flat black sandal, so they definitely fulfill that need, but they’re not the most comfortable, and they’re a little big—I probably should have gone a half size down. (My feet are super narrow, so I’m only a 7 in theory haha.)

Lastly, I had been wanting to try The Ordinary for awhile, and I feel like the last time I looked them up, they would have been shipped from another country. But now that they’re on Beautylish, they’re so easy to buy! The products I picked were all geared to my skin concerns: redness, enlarged pores, uneven skin tone, and dark under-eye circles. I don’t know that I’ve noticed much in the way of changes, but I have sensitive skin, and no product has irritated it or made anything worse, so that’s a win! And none of the products has an annoying smell, which I deeply appreciate!

What did you buy last month?

High Five for Friday: September 14

Well, this was an interesting week! I got sick on Sunday, didn’t leave the house for a few days, and now am in the sounding-like-death-and-coughing-up-a-lung stage of my cold. EVERYTHING IS GREAT. Seriously, though, here’s what brought the sparkle:

• On Wednesday morning, Pops and I bought tickets to see Elton John… that night! He really puts on a great show. (I mean, he’s 71 and played for 2.5 hours straight! I can’t even get off my couch half the time!) So many of his songs are woven into my life in heartwarming ways. “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” was one of my first favorite songs when I discovered the classic rock station in seventh grade. I’m pretty sure “Tiny Dancer” was played at our junior prom (and I think I even danced with my date to it!). My bffl and I love “Benny and the Jets.” “Your Song” was played at that retreat I went to in January. “Philadelphia Freedom” played on the news the morning after that epic Flyers-Pens five overtime game in 2000. “Take Me to the Pilot” is a more recent jam that I love, and I was super pumped that he did it. GAH sorry to babble, but it was just a great great time. ❤️

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I was so pumped when I taped “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” off the radio in seventh grade that I definitely made my mom listen to it while we wrapped Christmas gifts that year. Merry Christmas 1999! 😂 #WhyAmILikeThis #stepintochristmas . . #eltonjohn #eltonjohnconcert #concert #music #someonesavedmylifetonight

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 13, 2018 at 5:41pm PDT

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Pops and I got tickets to the Elton John concert at, oh, 9:30 this morning. And a million things went wrong in trying to get there on time (which we did, miraculously!), but the shriek I let out when he started “Take Me to the Pilot” reminded me how happy I was to be there. 😁💃🎉 . . #eltonjohn #eltonjohnconcert #TakeMeToThePilot ✈️ #concert #spontaneous #joy

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 12, 2018 at 10:04pm PDT

#mood ✨🌈🦄

• Guys, a new soap opera has captured my heart! (gasp!) A few weeks ago, my friend showed me this ridiculous wedding episode of Days of Our Lives in which some chick’s fake teeth get knocked out in a melee and land in the bride’s bouquet. (Seriously. God, I love soaps.). But the other big thing happening in this episode, two dudes in tuxes crying the whole time, eventually stole my attention. (The one guy had just gotten his memory back, of course, hence the waterworks.) We quickly learned that they are Will and Sonny, a Days supercouple (!!). I’ve been catching up on their original falling in love story, and my heart can’t take it. They have such great chemistry, Chandler Massey is an amazing crier, and he and Freddie Smith are both v cute. To quote Cynthia Rose in Pitch Perfect: I’M ALL IN, BITCHES.

hilar but also #tooreal

• Back to classic rock... this has been the song of the week. I love Led Zeppelin and somehow had never heard “Bron-Yr-Aur” until this week. (What a fail!) It’s such a cute, jaunty acoustic instrumental!

• Since this week is National Suicide Prevention Week, I feel like I need to say something on that topic... although it’s really something that I talk about and think about all the time. I mean, I struggled with suicidal thoughts for years. The first one I can remember happened in September of my freshman year of high school. I was going to my first-choice school, with a lot of good friends, but the emotions and anxiety that this life change brought on completely overwhelmed me. (9/11 had just happened too, and for a such a sensitive kid, that couldn’t have helped.) All I wanted was for the feelings to go away; I couldn’t live with them. Enter suicide. Once that option presented itself and brought relief instead of fear, it was an open escape hatch for the next 12 years… until I accidentally told a friend about these thoughts in a very triggered moment. Today, after five years of therapy, and inpatient, and healing retreats, I can honestly say that suicide no longer has the same allure. Yeah, I still get triggered (… a lot) and struggle with a great many things, but I’m still here and have other ways to cope. It IS possible to disentangle yourself from suicide. ❤️❤️

• And if that doesn’t bolster your spirits, this inspirational message surely will! 😂

I’m glad that everyone else is is equally passionate about the correct spelling of the album haha!

Have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: September 7

My oh my, what a whirlwind week! I think Timmi and I lived ten lives in four days! 😂 Here’s what brought the sparkle:

• On Saturday, I was introduced to the Irish sport of camogie, the real reason Timmi was home (to play in a camogie tournament). Like the good Irish lass I am, I had no idea what was going on at any point. You can catch the ball, and throw it and hit it, and run with it, and balance it on your stick, and score goals, but also field goals too? 🤷🏼‍♀️ All I know is that Timmi played, and then we ended up in an accidental rave afterparty, and I found myself dancing to “Barbie Girl” with a lot of drunk girls. (I was completely sober and couldn’t understand how other people were resisting the siren song of terrible 90s jams!) It was WAY out of my comfort zone and also a blast. 

• On Sunday, I took Timmi to my fave yoga class, and then we went to a BBQ with her extended family... and I beat them all at Apples to Apples! Whoops. 😬

• On Monday, I continued to be Timmi’s adopted sister, and we continued our trend of accidentally going to cultural events by attending the German festival in the Northeast with her fam. 

We followed that up with a game of Cards Against Humanity that I did not win, so I’m allowed to come to future family events lol.

• Then on Tuesday, Timmi’s last day in PA, we basically lost our minds and crammed ALL THE THINGS into one day! We started out with ice skating, then I had therapy, then we had a delicious ice cream sandwich break (if you’re in Philly, Zsa's is amazing), then we went to Play It Again Sports so Timmi could get elbow pads (she started playing ice hockey this week) and I ended up getting hockey skates (#yolo), then we popped into another cool crystal shop and I went to therapy appt #2, and we finished up the day by finding some steals at Old Navy before crashing at her place with Whole Foods’ chicken clusters (also delish) and House Hunters International. I have the energy level (and temperament) of a 90 year old woman, so I’m amazed I survived! But it was such a fun day, and I was basically like, TIMMI, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! 😩

hijinks

 “Well, I guess this is happening.” 

• I'll finish with this IG post (sorry for reposting some of the pics above), since it really conveys my feelings on the week, and I'm about to crash because, like I said, I'm a 90 year old woman! 👵🏻

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WHAT. A. WEEK. We legitimately did all the things! @a_canny_lass is such a light in my life and has been for the past 17 (!!) years. This girl is always able to pull me out of my anxiety bubble and make the scary seem safe. When I’m alone, I struggle a lot with just leaving the house, but with Timmi, I saw my first camogie match, took up ice skating again (yes, I now own hockey skates 👌🏻), got some awesome crystals and an aura reading, saw beautiful flowers, befriended bereft puppers, and was actually living my best life, because it was light and fun, full of joy and connection. 💖 Good-byes are hard for me. They often feel like a death. So naturally, a death-related Grey’s quote has been floating around in my head today. #WhyAmILikeThis 🤷🏼‍♀️ (Just be glad it’s not a soap quote!): “You changed my life. You made it better, you made it brighter, full of joy.” Because that really encapsulates the last week for me. I 💖 you, 👻. #friends #anxiety #friendtherapyisthebest

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Sep 5, 2018 at 4:18pm PDT

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: August 31

Oh man guys, these last two weeks have been bananas! I'm sorry I bailed on H54F last week. Let’s see what put the sparkle into the past TWO weeks!

• I did this super cool spiritual retreat on a whim last week! We learned a lot about energy healing (kind of like reiki but not) and even got to try it out on each other. Feeling the energy in my own hands was so wild and awesome. And as much as I struggle with meditation, I can see where it might be useful when I get lost in strong emotions... which happened last week, hence the break from H54F. I am always one to distract and avoid, but maybe if I let myself feel the feelings I run from, they won't come back and smite me later. One of the girls from the retreat (and YTT) is a real gem and has been helping to make meditation seem less scary, showing me how to access my breath when I'm super triggered and calm myself down.

• Last Tuesday (8/28) was my birthday! It was not a very exciting day, as I just worked and went to therapy, BUT I did wear my "Introvert" shirt and even threw in the flower crown for one of the therapy appointments! And hearing from so many friends is always fun! ❤️

IT ME! 😂 Finally busting out my “introvert” shirt in honor of my BIRTHDAY! 3️⃣2️⃣ holy moly. Here’s to owning who I am in the new year and getting more comfortable with being authentically me—sparkly, wacky, shy, sad, ok, and not ok—and letting others see it all too. Because the people who have shown up to support me on this journey are pretty rad. ✨😊💜💃😘 . . . #outfitoftheday #ootd #whatiwore #target #targetstyle #shy #introvert #birthday

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Aug 28, 2018 at 4:16pm PDT

• My real b-day celebration came once Timmi got to town! She is just the best. She always gets me to do the coolest things and is my co-pilot/DJ for life. ("How do you feel about Pitbull and Ke$ha?" “YES do it!”) Even though it was 1000 degrees, she braved Longwood Gardens with me on Wednesday because she is a true pal and flower devotee! I had no clue that Longwood had a dahlia garden, so that was a wonderful surprise! (Dahlias are my fave, and there were several purple varieties!!) I was literally walking around the dahlias singing "I'm So Excited"! #nochill

• On Thursday, Timmi and I went ice skating, which was a hilarious adventure. I took ice skating lessons as a kid, so it came back to me pretty quickly and was so much fun! Except for dodging a million wild kids. 😬

• We also went to two cool mystical shops and got crystals, and I got my aura picture and chakra picture taken! (Timmi had just recently done hers or else she would have been on board.) Purple was a big color for me, which may explain why I'm so drawn to it. 💜 And then we went back to Timmi's house and cuddled with her puppies, and watched Moonstruck, which I'd somehow never seen.

It was such a delightful two days! I have a hard time leaving the house when I’m alone, so I would not have done these things without Timmi. I had no idea there were so many cool things near my house! My emotions are still coming up and hijacking me at times, but not only am I eating and sleeping again (🙌🏻), the retreat and the time with Timmi have served as a sort of renewal and demonstration of what life can be beyond the bounds of my anxiety. ❤️

Hope you have a great long weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: August 17

Thank god it's Friday! You guys, this was one of those weeks where every day is a struggle. Not because anything bad happened, but because my emotions were all over the place. Ugh! But here’s what brought the sparkle:

• I’ve been posting my outfits on Instagram this month, and I was struggling over the weekend because I was in a capital M Mood and felt totally fake being all smiley and happy. That’s not what this space is about. So when I did my outfit post on Sunday, I was honest about how I was feeling... and it really made me feel better! It's not like I'm the only one who has rough days—so why fake it?

Day 7 : The first picture is what I wish I felt like today. I’m alive! I’m healthy! I’m off! The second picture, though, is more accurate. 😑 I’ve been really down this weekend and just... very unhappy. I don’t like when I get this way. It’s full Teagan and Sara: 🎶I wouldn’t like me if I met me.🎶 But it is what it is. We all have dark parts of ourselves that we don’t especially like, and they show up sometimes. I’m trying to keep in mind that there have been bright spots this weekend: like going to yoga (in this cute outfit!), watching GH (with @krisptoria via text 😂), reading the (long-neglected) PTSD Workbook (which made me feel less insane 💃), and finding out that my 👻 @a_canny_lass will be home on my bday! I guess I just have get ok with how I’m feeling and stop pressuring myself to do and be better/happier. I have therapy on Tuesday. I’ve been to yoga three days in a row. I’m doing the healthy things that I need to do. I’m not going to hurt myself. And I guess that is the biggest win here: I feel real shitty, yet suicide is NOT an option. 🎉🎉💖💃 If you read all that, you’re a true gem. 🙌🏻🤗 And get thee to Target because this super-soft lovely lunar shirt should still be there! ☺️ . . . #ootd #outfitoftheday #whatiwore #targetstyle #target #francescas #sketchers #realtalk #mentalhealth #yoga #depression #suicide

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Aug 12, 2018 at 1:43pm PDT

• On Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going to mope around the house, so I signed up for a yin yoga workshop! I had never done yin before and was actually quite scared! I'm not flexible, and I don't love how you have to stay in poses forever in restorative classes. But it turned out to be a really good class! I shocked myself with the poses I was able to do. It was definitely a physical challenge, but I think my body appreciated the stretching and the peaceful vibe. The teacher was super sweet too, which definitely helped!

• Then I went to my usual Sunday yoga class, which was great, and the teacher shared this—something that really resonated with me:

• Did you ever have a random line from a song or a show pop into your head out of nowhere and then it totally bugs you because you can't place it? Well, that happened to me a week or two ago, and I was finally able to track down the scene this week! The line was from Lucky and Liz, naturally. The part I remembered was Lucky saying, "When I all I wanted and couldn't really have was for you not to hurt anymore." Once I found the scene, I discovered that he says it to Liz early in her rape recovery on the topic of revenge. How he wanted to kill the guy that hurt her, but doing so wouldn't take away her pain, and that's what he really wanted. In my capital M Mood this week, I've been really angry, so finding that scene was just like, "Wow, ok Universe, thanks for the reminder!" Like, I do desperately want to feel better—but being angry and hurtful to other people isn't going actually make me feel better, you know? Forget the Bhagavad Gita—apparently, I get all my wisdom from '90s soaps. 😂😂

• Lastly, along with GH, I went full '90s musically this week and have been listening to a lot of the Goo Goo Dolls! I heard "Slide" on the radio and remembered how much I loved it in sixth grade and would eagerly wait for it to come on the radio. I actually got Dizzy Up the Girl at both houses on Christmas 1998, haha! So "Slide" has been a big one this week, but with "Iris," "Name," and "Black Balloon" thrown in too. I don't know that the Goo Goo Dolls were actually featured on Dawson's Creek, but now I want to watch that too. 😂 #full90s #WhoompThereItIs

Have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: August 10

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week:

• On Friday night, I went to Recovery Yoga. The last time I was there, it was pretty AA heavy, which is fine—that Bill W. has some solid advice—but I felt out of place, even though it’s not limited to people with addiction issues. But this time around, it quickly turned into a discussion of all forms of therapy! EMDR came up, and I went full Lilo:

It's always so nice to find an outlet to talk with people who just ✨get it✨ you know?

• Last week was a doozy. But by Saturday (when I left Maggie's), I felt like I had grown. I had felt a lot of things, but being on my own (with my trusty emotional support cat, Pudge!) gave me the space to feel them, cope with them however *I* wanted to (which resulted in doing extra therapy, bugging Kristin, going to yoga, shopping with Karuna, and bingeing Happy Endings), do some scary vulnerable things, and ultimately reach an okay state. That was the motivation behind this post on Instagram, featuring a stalwart sunflower at Maggie's that seemed no worse for the wear even though it poured like every day last week:

I feel like I bloomed a bit this week too. ☺️🌻 #flowertherapy #flowers #nofilter #flowersthatarentmine

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Aug 4, 2018 at 2:10pm PDT

• Speaking of shopping... I went a little nuts last week and weekend. 😬 I had been so good with curtailing my shopping lately that I’m feeling guilty. My birthday is at the end of the month, so I’m thinking of these as early birthday presents! 😉 First up, we have this Target shirt that was too on-brand for me to resist:

I'm documenting my outfits on Instagram this month, so you best believe this baby will be coming soon to an IG near you!

• And then I finally took the plunge with The Ordinary!

All of this cost $37! ($35 was free shipping, natch.) I had been wanting to try them for awhile, and my toner and serum happened to run out at the same time, and I wasn't too pleased with anything in my skincare routine (except for the Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser, which I am still in love with). And when my life goes to pot, I usually start obsessing over the state of my skin! 😂 Everything is super affordable and targeted... the obvious downside being that you need a million separate products! Stay tuned...

• Lastly, I've been all about Fleetwood Mac this week. It started with "Go Your Own Way," then moved on to "You Make Loving Fun" (prompted by my reading up on songs featuring the clavinet, which is perfectly normal, right?), and then the floodgates opened. Most important, though, was my reacquantainace with the song "Sara." What a damn gorgeous song. I had just been complaining to Timmi (keeper of my Fleetwood Mac feels apparently) that Christine gets no love in favor of Stevie, and then "Sara" made me rethink my grudge. "Drowning in the sea of love where everyone would love to drown..." 😭😭😭

Hope you have a great weekend!

July 2018 Budget

You guys, I have been buying everything in sight lately! But I apparently still had (some) self-control back in July! 😂 Here’s what I bought:

1. Woman's Wallet with Removable Crossbody Strap (Target):  $17 on sale for $5

2. SP Black Label High Rise Rolled Short (Nordstrom Rack): $43 on sale for $9

3. Darlene Howlite Stone Dagger Ring (Francesca’s):  $14 on sale for $13

TOTAL:  $27

I fell in love with the Francesca’s ring while walking around the mall while particularly out of it with anxiety and depression last month. I didn’t buy it then, but as we learned with my cat scarf, my willpower only lasts about 48 hours! 😂💸 It’s so different and cool-looking, I couldn’t resist. The band turned super quickly, though, which is annoying. 

I had been looking for a slimmer wallet with a detachable crossbody strap, and sign me up for one with iridescent mermaid vibes for $5!

Lastly, these shorts. I had to retire some old jorts this summer, so I was very happy to find these super soft ones at such a big discount! Especially because I don’t usually have much luck with the Nordstrom Rack sale section. I think these exact shorts are sold out, as I couldn't find them on the Rack website, or else I would have linked to them. Womp womp. At least they give me an excuse to post this:

Is this the kind of thing that's only funny after two English degrees?

What did you buy in July?

High Five for Friday: August 3

Anybody else in their feelings this week?! 🙋🏼‍♀️ Let’s see what brought the sparkle:

• PUDGE!! I was reunited with my dear, sweet Pudgie Princess this week (and she is currently nestled beside me purring 😭). She is truly, as Timmi put it, "the best velvet purring loaf." 😂😻

• On Saturday, I went over to Kristin's, where she joked that she was going to "make" me watch The Big Chill. Now, I love The Big Chill—and so does she! So you can imagine our surprise when we couldn't remember any of the characters’ names! Whoops! Also, I'm sad that there's not a gif of my favorite line: Jeff Goldblum, who has had to sleep in one of the kids' airplane-shaped beds, announces (in light of all the other various hook-ups going on in the house) that "I was all alone in my airplane, no co-pilot." I legit say this IRL because I am insane.

• I wasn't going to go to my usual Sunday yoga class, since I was staying at Maggie's with Pudge, but I had a change of heart when I woke up wildly anxious and had watched like half a season of Happy Endings by noon! It was a really great class. We had a sub with the most calming voice, and I managed to get a few minutes of anxiety relief. She was also super positive that I had come at all when I told her how I was feeling, which warmed my heart.

• Maggie's housemate (and one of my fellow YTT gals) Karuna was around this week, which was a godsend. Which I'm super anxious, I have a really hard time being alone with my thoughts and feelings, and Karuna very kindly let me pace around her bedroom and beat her ear! We also had an awesome impromptu Target and tarot night!

• Therapy was another godsend this week. (Three appointments in four days 10/10 would recommend.) I feel so crazy when I get triggered because it's like my system gets completely hijacked—I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything, it's just bad news. And then I beat myself up about it, which is obviously super helpful. 🙄My one therapist, though, very gently pointed out that, based on my history, there are just some things that will take me from zero to sixty (even though I would really really prefer they didn't). So in that framework, my reaction is normal (or at least makes more sense). I so compare myself to other people in these moments, but their normal isn't my normal and vice versa. Now I just need to actually get that through my head! 😂

Hope you have a great weekend! xoxo

High Five for Friday: July 27

Oh hey, it’s Friday! ✨ Let’s see what brought the sparkle:

• On Saturday night, I went over to Kristin's for a tarot night! She gifted me this awesome set of tarot cards and guide book (which are not the cards pictured here, although she had given those to me as well LOL), and I proceeded to have the most crazy accurate tarot reading of my life!

We did the "Clarity spread" reading from the Wild Unknown Guidebook, so the card at the top is the "overall situation" in my life and the other three cards are "contributing factors." The question I asked was, "What is the Universe trying to tell me?" The answer was more like, "What does the Universe already know I’m struggling with?"

OH, JUST EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY, COOL. (Can you tell that my hormones took me in a depressive direction this month?) Complete with the flying metaphors from last fall too.

And then, I pulled this Angel card, after telling Kristin and Rod that I always pull the "Signs" card:

 😱😱

So the Universe is basically yelling at me, guys. I guess I need to start listening.

• This Kodak moment likely would not have happened had I saged Sharkey like I offered to! 😂

• On Sunday, Pops was out all day, and when the cat's away, the mice will play... which means breaking out the nail polish! I love painting my nails, but I hadn't done it in ages because Pops hates the smell. But having my nails painted this gorge gold-infused purple (Zoya Zara) has given Stella (some of) her groove back!

• I also picked up the howlite ring above at Francesca's this week! 😍

• I randomly started watching Happy Endings on Hulu this week, which is a great show if you're just looking for a fun comedy. I have fallen in love with Adam Pally and his adorable/fantastic accent, and Damon Wayans Jr. is just hilar.

exhibit A

• One extra thing, since it was a big week in Philly sports, what with Chase “The Man” Utley being in town likely for the last time before retiring:

My bffl and I love “The World Series Defense” ep of It’s Always Sunny. We have witnessed dudes at Citizens Bank Park basically weeping over Chase, so Mac’s love letter really isn’t too far off!  

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: July 20

Let’s see what put the sparkle into this week:

• On Saturday, you know what I really wanted to do? Hear the ocean and have a vanilla milkshake! (Vanilla is generally not my first choice for anything ever, so I have no idea where this was coming from!) So that’s what I did! I’ve now driven down the shore TWICE!! 🎉🎉

• Sunday was about a thousand degrees—I went for a walk and had to lay down on the floor under the air conditioner afterwards to recover! So it was definitely an ice cream day! We went to Pops’s favorite place (Handel’s), and I got Peppermint Stick for a change. It was SO GOOD. 

• On Wednesday, I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I called into a radio contest! 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ I knew the answer, and no one else had gotten it right, so I was like, "What the hell!" I didn’t end up getting through but maybe next time! I love this game called “Connect 3” on the classic rock station—they play three songs, and you have to figure out what they have in common. The three songs on Wednesday were “Gypsy,” “Breakfast in America,” and “Stuck in the Middle with You.” Any thoughts?

• How fun is this wallet that I found for $5 at Target?! The iridescent mermaid vibe makes me so happy! 😍😍 And it also has a removable crossbody strap, which I'm super pumped about. I love me a multitasking wallet!

• Lastly, I got a clean bill of health yesterday! I don’t think I’ve talked about this on here before, but two summers ago, I noticed a lump in my breast. Given my anxiety, you can imagine how calmly I handled that! But I went to the doctor, who assumed it was just something normal and benign (thank god one of us is sane) and sent me for more testing. It turned out to just be a normal, benign cyst (WHEW), but I’ve had to go back for regular check-ups ever since. Yesterday, though, they told me that everything looks good, meaning that I don’t need to be monitored as closely! HOORAY! I’m a lucky gal. ❤️

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: July 13

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week!

• I had a pretty chill weekend, which was much appreciated after last weekend's One Wedding and An ER Visit! I watched a lot of The West Wing (who am I?), got some dumb but delightfully satisfying tasks done (washing clothes! sorting the mail! reading a library book!), and even napped! The only legitimately exciting thing I did was soaking up some of these views in Reading again!

• On Tuesday, I found the hydrangea of my girly girl dreams! And a million other gorgeous flowers, as I took a different route on my post-therapy flower creep!

• And then I got this in the mail:

It's so PURPLE! Like my aura ideally is!

My friend Kristin made me a BAG! Only the purplest bag in all the land! I'm so excited and touched (and IMPRESSED!) and can't wait to use it!

• I loved this picture that popped up in my IG feed this week. I only need this reminder, oh, daily!

• Lastly, today marks FOUR YEARS of sparkle punching! ✨👊🏻 I can't believe I've kept this space alive for four whole years and made such awesome friends along the way! (So many friends, but a special shout-out to my ever-faithful readers, Mica and Bri!) After four years, this post is still probably the one that I'm most grateful to have hit publish on—and the one I most instantly regretted publishing. (I woke up the next morning like WHAT HAVE I DONE?!) But being open about my mental health struggles has been wildly freeing and changed my life so much for the better. Thanks for going along on this wild ride with me! ❤️❤️

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: July 6

Let's see what brought the sparkle this week:

• Well, the weekend got off to an interesting start, as I spent Friday night in the ER! Not for me, though: I was with a friend who thought she had appendicitis. (Don't worry, as soon as she informed me of this, I was like "DO YOU HAVE TENDERNESS OVER MCBURNEY'S POINT?!" #007) Luckily, she did not actually have appendicitis, so we got to chat about ER and Grey's, and I got to rubberneck over all the cool medical stuff! Hooray! 

• The weekend improved on Saturday when one of my oldest friends got married! It was quite the bash! This was only the third friend wedding I’ve been to, and the first LIFELONG friend wedding I’ve been to, so it was really heart-warming to celebrate someone I've grown up with. ❤️

She got married in our grade school church!

• I was really pleased with how my wedding outfit/make-up turned out, if I do say so myself! No part of this outfit was recently purchased (🎉), and I did my make-up in like seven minutes (🎉🎉)! 

🎶It’s a nice day for a white wedding🎶 ☺️A little wedding guest #ootd! . . . #outfitoftheday #whatiwore #phlbloggers #targetstyle #target #rebeccaminkoff #nordstromrack #francescas

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on Jun 30, 2018 at 1:11pm PDT

• On that topic, I didn’t do a budget post for June because I didn’t buy anything! (🎉🎉🎉) Ok, that’s not entirely true—I did buy a pair of heels for the wedding, BUT my old foot injury started bothering me, so I ending up wearing bejeweled flat sandals I already had and returned the heels. 

• How did you spend the Fourth? I followed up my very patriotic Memorial Day viewing of World War II in Colour with Drunk History and The West Wing. (I have no idea where this sudden interest in The West Wing is coming from, but I'm going with it.) I went to our neighborhood bike parade (too cute) and then spent the rest of the day at a party with some of my dad's friends, who conveniently sent us home with a million desserts!

• Lastly, can you believe it: I had yet another lowkey celeb interaction on social media that made my life! (THREE WEEKS IN A ROW!) This time, a local DJ liked one of my fb posts! He used to be on the classic rock station, and I've been listening to it since seventh grade, so all of those guys have a special place in my heart. Apparently, he knows one of my fb friends, and I commented on a post about him, gushing (naturally), and he liked it! WHO WILL I BEFRIEND NEXT WEEK?! STAY TUNED...

Hope you have a great weekend! Blogger friends, I’m sorry I'm so behind on reading your posts ack! xoxo

July 2018 goals?

This goals post is not a goals post—it's an "I need a break from goals" post.

I'm doing so many things to try to "get better," but my mood and emotions have been all over the place for the past month+, and I'm worn out. What if I just AM? Can I just BE for a month?

That's not to say that I'm going to stop therapy or anything radical like that. I love therapy! But I have three therapists at the moment, and three doctors that I’m working with, plus yoga and dance, and I just don't feel like I can handle anything else on top of all that right now. So, a little break.

In other news, I did get my hormones tested (one of last month's goals), and they are all out of whack, so maybe that explains some of what I'm feeling! #blessed

Linking up with Nicole at Feel Good, Dress Better!

Oh, PS—the inspirational quote at the beginning of this post is brought to you by ‘90s General Hospital (naturally). 😂💯❤️

High Five for Friday: June 29

Let’s see what put the sparkle into this week:

• On Sunday, I had an unexpected reunion with my friend Kristin! The search for shoes for a wedding (that’s, oh, tomorrow nbd) led me to the Nordstrom Rack near her house, so she came and helped me look at 14690 pairs of shoes! I tend to do a lot of things by myself, so I forget that it's pretty nice to do stuff with friends.

• Kristin also gifted me this cool moon book!

It has tarot spreads and everything, if I ever get my act together enough to do a whole spread! Hilariously, we both immediately griped over the fact that the font size is like -10! My old lady eyes can’t handle this!  

• Before Kristin got there, I stopped for a donut! I didn't know there was a donut place in that shopping center, so that was a nice surprise!

• Tuesday marked the end of the meditation class that I inadvertently joined back in May! I didn't expect to go to that first class, let alone every single class after that! Or to actually practice meditating on my own! Being still and quiet usually feels very unsafe for me, but having this group to practice with every week helped to normalize it and make it seem less scary. Now I’m willing to do it by myself! For up to twenty minutes! WHO AM I ?! 😮

• Lastly, in this week's installment of Becoming Instagram BFFs with the Cast of General Hospital, Emme Rylan (Lulu) posted the picture below of her daughter's birthday party, and I asked if those decorations would be approp for an upcoming 32 year old's birthday party (wink wink but actually...). AND SHE LIKED MY COMMENT! 💃💃💃

Did I have a 7 foot unicorn backdrop?! Ummm YASSSSSSSS! #happybirthdaydakota

A post shared by Emme Rylan (@emmerylan) on Jun 26, 2018 at 3:24pm PDT

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: June 22

Remember last week when I said we were getting our kitchen redone? Yeah, well now we're getting our bathroom redone too! 😂😩 So this week was obviously a doozy (complete with a toilet on the lawn)! Let's see what brought the sparkle:

• I'm always in awe of the mountain views that I see from the highway when I'm in Reading. So after therapy and teaching yoga on Saturday, I decided to try to find a place with a good view. I literally pulled over, googled something like "mountain view Reading," and ended up at a scenic lookout point like ten minutes away! Can you believe how gorgeous this is?! 😍

• I made some serious strides in my relationship with Brindle Pinky this week! She turned up meowing in our backyard on Friday night but hid from me, as per ush. I was able to slowly get closer and closer, with very low expectations, and she was climbing all over me in no time!! What is this life?! Just call me the cat whisperer!

• I got a mini-psychic reading on Tuesday! You may recall that I am not a touchy/huggy person, so I nearly died when "Physical touch is important" was one of the cards she pulled! I could feel my whole energy change, it was really interesting. Maybe I'd be more down with physical touch if it came from a gentleman in a feathered cap?

• Ok, this is a total General Hospital geek-out moment that no one will care about but me, but humor me. So back when I started watching GH in grad school (2009), I was really drawn into that brutal Kristina-Kiefer storyline and fell in love with Kristina/Lexi Ainsworth. I follow her on IG and saw some time ago that she was also in yoga teacher training. (Clearly, we're meant to be BFFs.) I don't know what possessed me to comment on an IG pic she posted yesterday in pigeon pose, but I did, and YOU GUYS SHE LIKED IT AND RESPONDED. WE'RE TOTALLY ON THE ROAD TO BFFHOOD NOW.

• Lastly, I give you the aforementioned toilet on the lawn. And if you have a toilet on the lawn, you're going to want a sink to go with it, right?

stay classy ✌🏻

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: June 15

What a week this has been! It started with a total kitchen renovation (that's still in progress) and ended with the U2 concert! Only one of those things brought the sparkle (😂)... so let's see what else did!

• At dance night on Friday, I felt a real passion for the healing qualities of yoga and movement. I was also thinking of ways I could harness that with my newfound ability to teach, and then I pulled this card. OKAY UNIVERSE HI! 😂👋🏻

 💃💃💃

• My new favorite show is Total Bellas on E! Does anyone else watch this?! I don't even know how this started (it’s not like I watch wrestling), although I did start following Nikki Bella on Instagram after she was on DWTS last fall. You guys, I am so sucked in. I am legitimately worried for Nikki and John's relationship, and I love Brie and Bryan. (I also really love that, on this show with two glamazons, Bryan’s just this crunchy granola dude who really loves his seed subscription box!)

• Remember when I went on that retreat in January? Well, that’s where I met Garett (my first yoga student, you might recall!), and he has become a very dear friend in the last six months. Garett owns a cheese shop in Colorado and is donating a portion of the sales this weekend to the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Suicide has affected his life very differently than mine, but he was kind enough to include me in this initiative. Garett bravely shared about his experience with suicide on the store's Facebook page, so you can read more about it here. And if you're in the Littleton area, definitely stop by and support him! They also take orders over the phone. I did call the suicide hotline (or, rather, Kristin did, because she is a goddess) the night before I went inpatient back in 2013, so this initiative is near and dear to my heart. In light of the recent celebrity suicides, I’ve seen a lot of skepticism over the idea that suicide hotlines can actually help, but it really did help me. ❤️

• U2! Pops and I had never seen them live before, so he was very gung-ho about seeing them on this tour. My interest in them has waned over the years, BUT I did used to love them—I even did my ninth grade research project on them in Mrs. Smith’s English class! 😂 The concert was sort of weird, not gonna lie. I mean, they sounded great, and I know they just did a whole Joshua Tree tour, but NO songs from that huge album?! Come on, throw us a bone here!

• Lastly, in honor of Father's Day, I give you this golf headline from April because I still can't believe that I not only know who these people are, but that I also have ~feelings~ about this outcome. (When will Rickie Fowler when a major championship?!) That's the dad effect right there! 😂

Hope you have a great weekend! xo 

High Five for Friday: June 8

Let's see what put the sparkle into this week!

• So when I did my yoga teacher training, I had no aspirations of actually teaching--I really just wanted to be in a community and also forced to do yoga more. So naturally, I now have a student! 😂😂 And I taught her for the first time on Saturday! I got to incorporate two of my loves, Victorian poetry and dance, into the class, and she seemed to like it, so I was basically doing cartwheels! haha

• This has not been a bad anxiety week, hooray! On Tuesday, my therapist even said that I was the best she'd ever seen me, anxiety-wise! (I've been seeing her for almost three years, so WOW/YIKES!) In my June goals post, I talked about how my hormones seem to be affecting my anxiety, and I’m still a week out from ~that time of the month~, so this is very interesting. I did really feel quite good on Tuesday, like focused and together, rather than edgy and obsessive. So it is possible! I am capable of feeling that way! Good to know! 🎉😂

This guy also brightened up my Tuesday!

• You guys, I started reading last week. Like, an actual book. For FUN! 😮 I think being an English major twice over really killed my love of reading (because it became so much like work), so I'll take this sudden desire to read! A few years ago, I bought a bunch of my favorite random library books from like fifth and sixth grade from Amazon, and one of those '80s YA gems is what I suddenly wanted to read last week, go figure.

• This week's Weird-Ass Song comes to you courtesy of Cher. That broad sure can rock an '80s power ballad. This is an excellent song for belting out in your car, in case you were wondering. And the video is basically Dirty Dancing with bigger hair, less clothing, and more candles. 💯 for sure.

• Lastly, I have no idea why Jesse Williams (aka Jackson from Grey's Anatomy) is posting memes about rompers, but this made me laugh out loud while also being TOO REAL at the same time. 😬

A post shared by jesse Williams (@ijessewilliams) on Jun 3, 2018 at 3:01am PDT

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

May 2018 Budget

Guys, hold onto your hats--I didn't buy ANYTHING in May! The three things I'm going to mention here were actually bought in April, but after my April budget post.

It seems like when my anxiety goes berserk, I can't handle shopping anymore. I can't focus on anything, so the idea of walking around looking at things, when I might burst into tears or start panicking, just seems like way too much to deal with. I would say that this is good for my bank account, buuut all of my money in May went toward extra therapy, yoga, and meditation! At least those are positive things to be spending my money on, I guess!

ANYWAY! Here are a few tops I picked up at Plato's Closet at the end of April (when I was really feeling the color green, apparently!):

1. Green Gap tee: $5
2. Green tank: $7
3. Blue Gap top: $7

TOTAL: $19

I've been really stressed about money lately, but I can live with spending only $19 on clothes/accessories/make-up/skin care in a month! I've been really into soft, slouchy shirts lately, and the Gap shirts definitely fit that criteria! And I've been looking for a dressy-ish tank or blouse to wear with skinny black pants because I literally have two tops like that, and I wear them to everything. I need to mix it up!

Did you get anything fun last month?

June 2018 goals

Let's see what's on the white board this month!

1. Try three more new things: GUYS. I thought for sure this would be the hardest goal last month, and I CRUSHED IT! So I decided to give it another whirl this month.

2. Get my hormones tested: I'm really starting to think that my hormones are affecting my anxiety. I've been noticing that my anxiety and obsessive thoughts get worse closer to my period. So while I'm never thrilled for blood work, I'm really curious if it could give me some insight and possibly a path toward relief.

3. Stick to budget for real this time: You'll see below why this one got off track, but I want to give it another try in June.

4. Keep up with meditation: I inadvertently joined a meditation class in May! (I was supposed to teach a yoga class that no one showed up for, and the meditation class was conveniently happening right after, so, hey!) I have a lot (A LOT) of resistance to breathing and sitting still and, well, not distracting, but I do want to give this meditation thing a shot.

5. Secret goal step #1: OooOOoo so mysterious! haha Nah, I'm just not ready to get into this one on here yet. But I think including it will help to keep me accountable (...maybe).

And how did May's goals go?

Do three new things (or, at a minimum, three things I don't regularly do): Well, let’s see... I taught a yoga class, drove to two new places, got energy healing, met with a potential private yoga client, went to three new yoga classes, and started going to the aforementioned meditation class. This is huge for me!! 🙌🏻

Get up early to start my day with a Kalyn Nicholson YouTube video: This goal was going along fine until major anxiety derailed a solid week, and I've had a hard time getting up early again when sleep is an alternative, haha.

Make budget and stick to it // pay off credit card: I did pay off my credit card and was doing fine with sticking to my budget until the anxiety storm hit. Then came extra therapy sessions and doctor's appointments and supplements, and I couldn't get myself to do things like, say, getting out of bed, let alone balancing my checkbook. So the budget went off-track. I'm just glad it was due to regular therapy and not retail therapy for a change! 

Self-freaking-care: Hmm... I did make self-care a priority when I was forced to (during the anxiety storm). The next step, I guess, is integrating these things into my life when I'm only feeling low-grade anxiety. 

Taking alone time for myself at home: This did happen sometimes, hooray! 🎉

Well, as usual, this month's tarot card was spot-on. Although when I pulled it, I was rather concerned by the number of fiery sticks!

Holding my ground? Courage and persistence? Fear about not being able to win everybody over? ✔️✔️✔️ 

What are you working on this month? How do you manage intense anxiety?

Linking up with Nicole at Feel Good, Dress Better!

High Five for Friday: June 1

Well, this week just flew by! What even happened?! Let's find out what brought the sparkle!

• On Monday, I went over to a friend’s house, which worked out well because I woke up super anxious, but he also has anxiety, so he was fine with it. It was possibly the most patriotic Memorial Day I’ve ever had, because he had on World War II in Colour on Netflix! Chatting against the backdrop of the war in the Pacific was an unexpected way to spend the day! 😂 I also got to check out the pretty flowers in his neighborhood, which you know I was all about! 😍

• This has been the song of the week, thanks to my friend Kristin getting on a CSN kick. The first time I heard “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” I’m pretty sure I was riding in the car with Pops in seventh grade, and it blew my mind. Those harmonies are just unreal. 

• Speaking of music, Pops went to the Bowie exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum on Wednesday (so jealous!) and brought me back this Low magnet! (Which is sort of hilarious because he’s generally 🙄 about Low, but I love “Be My Wife” and “A New Career in a New Town”!) David Bowie was actually my first concert, on what turned out to be his last tour. 💔 I was a junior in high school, and I got to see David Bowie. What a lucky duck. 

Pops got to go to the David Bowie exhibit at the @brooklynmuseum yesterday (😭) and brought me back this magnet! And then we figured out that we actually saw Bowie live 14 years ago yesterday—my first concert! 😍❤️ This is also where I first heard/fell in love with “A New Career in a New Town”—which is on Low! #fullcircle . . . #davidbowie #stillmourning 💔#bowierealitytour

A post shared by Jess (@jessie_face4) on May 31, 2018 at 8:08am PDT

• Yesterday marked TWO YEARS with my lil babydoll car!! WOW. And to think, I had just started exposure therapy for driving when I first joined the H54F link-up back in 2015! Crazy. Being able to drive all over the place with (some) ease may not seem like a big deal, but it is freaking miraculous for me! 🎉

• Lastly, trying to keep Pops apprised of the NBA players the Kardashians are dating is a full-time job. At least this time, he already knows who Ben Simmons is!

...unlike when I broke the news that Khloe was having a baby with Tristan Thompson! 😂 

Hope you have a great weekend! xo