To Sparkle Punch...

That is the question

December 2017 Goals

JessComment
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I had hoped to have this post up last week, but getting sick derailed that plan, so here we are!

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Only one goal on the white board this month because I really want to catch up on my yoga teacher training homework before going back in January... and because I want leave some space for inevitable holiday craziness!

Now let's see how November's goals went:

1. Figure out Christmas cards: CHECK! Bonus that they've all been sent out! (With the exception of yours, Mica, because I want to go to the post office and get the right postage to Australia!)

2. Stick to my budget: Weeeell... this did not go great in November. But I've since paid off the credit card charges I racked up last month, and I've been much more responsible through the first part of December (even transferring some money to savings!😮), so it's all good.

Now, I have a confession and a serious question for you guys. I created this space to try to cultivate and adopt a more positive outlook because I'm really a pretty negative person. I'm a pro at getting in my own way and talking myself out of things. So I've definitely fallen off with my Word of the Year "out of hiding." I set these goals at the beginning of the year when I'm all bright-eyed and optimistic, and then they start to make me angry as the year goes on. Like "WHY do I need to venture out of hiding? Eff that!" So we're at that stage in the twelfth month. I've still been going to yoga TT, and I've seen some friends recently, but I've mostly gone full hermit and am belligerent about it. (Like "YOUR MOM should get out of hiding!!" territory. It's not pretty.) I tend to not set bigger goals for myself because I’m so often in that petulant mindset of “Whatever, it’s not like I’m going to do X anyway.” 🙄 Last month's angel card of "freedom" kind of similarly set me off because I don't want to acknowledge that I'M my own jail keeper--I so easily lapse into being angry and blaming other people and things for the state of my life. I'm not proud of it, but it's the dark and twisty truth.

In some ways, I feel like I’ve given up. Not in a suicidal way, but in a "Well, this is my life and I can't do anything to change it" kind of way because change so often turns my anxiety up to 11. (For instance, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I went inpatient three weeks after starting a new job in 2013.) As far as I've come since 2013, I know I need to go further but am afraid to let myself. And then that is usually accompanied by the cycle of anger and self-sabotage. UGH.

So I'm curious: how do you guys set goals and stick to them? How do you quiet the negative self-talk? (I'm especially thinking of you, Bri, because you are so good at tackling big and small goals alike.)

This month's Healing with the Angels card is the opposite of where I'm at right now: serenity. Like "signs" and "freedom," I've pulled this card more than once in the short time I've had my deck. And this is the thing that always jumps out at me when I read the blurb in the booklet:

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Huh. I always feel like I need to be calmer/in a better place before I can sit down and meditate etc., but I guess that's not the case. Maybe it's like that idea that the less you want to do X, the more you need to do X. Hmm...

 

Linking up with Nicole at Writes Like a Girl!