February goals

Well, I'm glad February is here because January was such a weird/emotional month for me! Let's try 2016 again, shall we? ;)

1.  Self-explanatory. #adulting
2. I've kept a gratitude log on and off (mostly off) for the past few years, but I want to try to get back into it this month, as way to combat depression. Thank you Ashley for the suggestion! :) 
3. Putting shopping money into a separate account and also trying to be more mindful of my shopping in general.
4. I really noticed last month how much I do things for no other reason than obsessive/perfectionistic/anxious feelings. So I'm going to pay more attention to them and try to avoid just mindlessly following them this month.
5. Recent posts by Mattie and Xin reminded me that I need to get back on track with paying more on my student loans. Unless I want to pay them for years and years and years. *insert screaming emoji here*

Now, considering how unmotivated I was in January, my goals should have been a disaster, right? WRONG!!

1. Transfer my shopping budget money to its own checking account: CHECK! I didn't do it all month, but I did transfer some shopping money to its own account, and as I said in my Budget post, it really changed my perspective on impulse spending.
2. Check bank account daily: ALMOST CHECK! Ok maybe not daily, but I did check it way more than I normally would have!
3. Look into affiliate links for the blog: CHECK! I was so overwhelmed thinking about this... annnnd setting it up with ShopStyle literally took 5 minutes. And I've already made 30 cents! #VIP #drinksonme
4. Take clothes to consignment shops: CHECK! And literally at the last minute too, haha. My usual consignment shop of choice was running a special where you make 50% on consignments in January, so I got my act together and went last Saturday (1/30). Better late than never!!
5. Get up early on work days and do a little something fun: SORT OF CHECK! Again, like the bank account one, I did this a lot but not all the time.

What are you guys hoping to get done or try this month?

Linking up with Nicole over at Writes Like a Girl!

High Five for Friday: January 29

This has been such a strange week. I started out snowed in and semi-sick, and the rest of the week just flew by! Here's what put the sparkle into it:

• Pops was out on Monday night, and when the cat's away, the mice will binge-watch Grey's and do Korean masks, apparently! ;D I tried a Korean lip mask for the first time. I don't know that my lips are any less dry, but at least the mask smelled deliciously of peach!

So beautiful.

• FREAKING. GREY'S. I just finished season 8, and and I'm going to need additional therapy to deal with my feelings. (I made Pops watch the season 8 finale with me for moral support, and now he's traumatized too whoops.) On a happier note, I think I've found my new Andie McPhee (one of my most beloved TV characters ever) in April Kepner. She is an obsessive, emotionally-unstable nut, and I love it. <3 One minute, she's crying out of the blue (been there, sister) and the next she's getting into a bar fight (haven't been there, sister).

"I AM A SOLDIER!"

• Last weekend (pre-blizzard), I was briefly reunited with my gf!!! <3 <3

How precious is she?! Just hop into my bag, Sasha, no one will ever know! :D

Her owner, my friend Deena, had brought me back gifts from Disney! The Chip mug is so cute!! And Sasha got a present too: the paper it was wrapped in :)

• This cute illustration has been really helpful to me as I slog through this latest period of depression and (ugh) feelings. Btw if you want to know more about how I'm dealing with my current bout of depression, I wrote about it here!

• And lastly, I give you a #flashbackFriday to blizzards past! (Back when I actually enjoyed the snow... and wore all pink WAY before Elle Woods!) :)

Sadly, you can't see my furry, bejeweled pink snow boots, which also went spectacularly with my Catholic school uniform!

Have a great weekend, fellow sparklers! xoxo

January 2016 budget

I didn't feel like I bought a lot in January, but I sure did, looking at it all now! Some of these purchases did happen in the last days of December, though, so maybe that's why it feels so long ago. I didn't pay for all of my buys (thanks to my family making it rain Target gift cards at Christmas haha!), but still--I feel kind of guilty. I don't usually feel bad about shopping unless I'm way over budget, so I wonder what's going on... Maybe recognizing that I really don't need all of the things that I bought is growth. In any case, here are my post-December-budget-post purchases! (Say that 5x fast!)

*This is my first post using affiliate links, so I just wanted to be clear that I get a few pennies if you click on any of the Shopstyle links below!*

1. Merona Striped Double Zip Around Wallet (Target): $17 - gift card = $0
2. MIA Jania boots (Nordstrom Rack): $69 on sale for $35 + gift card = $0
3. Bobbi Brown Corrector (Macy's): $0 ($25 gift card!)
4. Alex + Ani Braided Leather Wrap Bracelet (Nordstrom Rack): $38 on sale for $19 + gift card = $0
5. Benefit Gimme Brow (Ulta): $24 (Trying to cover up the holes in my brows like a classy lady!)

Not pictured:

1. Sterling silver studs (Macy's): $30 on sale for $15
2. Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer (Macy's): $25
3. Brilliant Love Heart Lip Care 3-Step System (Wishtrend): $17 but I paid $27, since I didn't want to spend $69 for free shipping. So I'm counting the shipping in my budget.
4. 4 Zoya Pixie Dusts (Godiva, Stevie, Arlo, and Tomoko): $15 (Zoya's yearly just-pay-for-shipping promotion!)
5. Citizens of Humanity jeans (Poshmark): $24 with shipping (the pants themselves were $21)
6. Joico Moisture Recovery Treatment Balm (Amazon): $12
7. Lava Bead Bracelet (spa): $18 (You put essential oils on the lava bead, and it's sort of like a wearable aromatherapy diffuser!)
8. Zoya Remove + (Ulta): $10 (I ran out a few months ago and couldn't live without it any longer!)
9. Mossimo Jeggings (Target): $30 - 25% off = $22 - gift card = $0 I actually got a nice light grey/green color that I don't see online :(
10. Mossimo Long-Sleeved Cardigan (Target) : $20 on sale for $14 - 20% off Cartwheel = $11 - gift card = $0

TOTAL: $170 RIGHT AT BUDGET wheeeee!

Favorite purchase: The studs aren't exciting (just tiny silver ones with cubic zirconia), but I've worn them every day since buying them, and they don't bother my sensitive ears so HOLLA.

Least Favorite Purchase: I guess the Alex + Ani bracelet, just because it gets caught in my coats and long-sleeved tops, which is a bummer considering how pretty it is. On the plus side, it shouldn't be annoying to wear once it's warmer! And in the meantime, I'm getting some pink in my bracelet stack with my new lava bead bracelet! :)

I should also note that I dabbled a little in transferring shopping money to a separate account this month, and oh boy was that a wake-up call! $40 felt like so much when I had to set it aside ahead of time, and not just blow it impulsively. Definitely something to keep in mind going forward.

Linking up with Fran's Budgeting Bloggers!

High Five for Friday: January 22

This week: OOF. So remember that doctor's appointment that I almost missed last week? Well, it was with my psychiatric NP, who suspects that my depression is back. HOORAY. So between general "meh"ness and some medication adjustments that left me dizzy and "shocky" (a technical term for SSRI withdrawal syndrome for sure), this week has been rather unsparkly. So a weird week gets a different type of H54F: a few highlights from my week, and a few YouTube videos that I always turn to (including this week!) to boost my mood! :)

• On Saturday, when I felt particularly horrible and could only handle sitting or laying down, B, Pops, and I went to see Creed. Finally! I love a good sports movie, and then throw in the Rocky history and the Philly connection, and I was all in. Michael B. Beautiful sure didn't hurt either! :) I'd wanted to see it in South Philly but "King Prussia" would have to do. 

• On Monday, I felt particularly out of sorts and antsy at work. I had the car, so I came up with the brilliant idea to get a facial! But apparently everyone had the same idea for MLK Day, so I had to "settle" for a massage instead. OMG IT WAS AMAZING. Just being in a room full of aromatherapy diffusers while wrapped up in warm blankets on a frigid day was wonderful and then a massage on top of that?! DAMN. And then, when I thought I was just going to pay and leave, I found that they had made me tea! What a nice treat! And I don't even like tea! During tea time, they had me pick from a deck of Angel cards to see what my message for the day was. As you can see below, it was the perfect one for someone who constantly beats herself up and pushes herself to do more more more. :)

Seriously. So cute.

How novel! :) 

• Ok, now my go-to heartwarming YouTube clip: the meeting the Mother scene on HIMYM. It's so great: the song ("I know that things can really get rough when you go it alone"), the different paths finally overlapping, oh man. And I love the Mother, I think she's just cute as a button (and not only because she's wearing purple here). Did I sit in bed bawling over her fate after the finale? Yes, yes I did. But this scene holds such promise! Ah!

• Another go-to video for me is Sadie and Mark's Super Mario freestyle on DWTS fall 2014. They were already my favorite pair that cycle, and then they pulled THIS out. I mean, come on now, it's just amazing (says this SNES video game junkie!). Honorable mention to their super cheery and cute "Birthday" dance and their epic nod to Duck Dynasty!

• There are many Glee routines that make me smile, but this one is a go-to for sure. Meatloaf! Frenzied dancing! Finn as a leading man (RIP Cory)! Looks of begrudging acceptance from Whoopi Goldberg! It truly has it all.

• And of course, no such list is complete without my favorite ridiculous Castle moment of all time. Thank god this episode is OnDemand at the moment because it definitely brightened my Tuesday (as you know if you follow me on IG: @jessie_face4!) :D

Cheers to the freakin' weekend, am I right?! And hopefully not too much snow... :-/ xoxo

Depression progression

I try to keep things mostly upbeat on the blog, but that's hard to do when I feel so blah. My anxiety usually keeps me in constant motion, but my depression paralyzes me. So at the moment, I feel like someone trying to plod through quicksand. HOORAY.

Now, here is my knee-jerk reaction to that hearing my psychiatrist officially say that I'm depressed again: WHAT THE FUCK. I've been "good"! I take all of my medications and I'm currently seeing three freaking therapists. I'm trying here!! What else am I supposed to do?! 

Oh, all of the scary "growth" things that I've been putting off. Oh, THOSE THINGS, THAT'S what I need to be doing.

In terms of doing things that scare me, I might jump a few hurdles and then just lay down in front of the next one. Or turn around and walk away, like "Nah." Take my on again-off again relationship with driving, for instance. My therapist pushing me to do exposure therapy got me behind the wheel after years, and I completed that with flying colors. Annnnd then I resumed doing nothing. I mean, I'm keeping up with the driving, but the next big thing would be to get a car, and for the past six months, I've just been like, "No thanks, I'm good running through 8 billion potential horrible outcomes of that decision and doing zero." It's the same with moving out. And other "grown-up" growth things that I'd much rather not think about. My EMDR therapist speculated that trying these "scary" things would be my antidepressant and get me out of my current malaise. I think she's right. But I also wish her directive was for someone else :)

On the plus side, I'm rolling with this low-energy, sad period better than I have in the past. For someone who previously lost herself in suicidal thoughts, the idea that strong, sad, scary feelings can pass is a breakthrough. I've been trying not to beat myself up about feeling blah. If I want to clean, I clean. If I want to watch 2 Broke Girls for hours, that's ok. If I want to sleep for 12 hours, I do. Stressing about being lazy just makes it worse. And I'm still seeing my three therapists and my psychiatrist, and going to yoga, and taking my new medication. I'm doing the best that I can right now. So if things are quiet on the blog at the moment, you know why. One minute, I think I'll never get off the couch and the next, I'm all in for writing a post. That's how it is right now: minute to minute. And that's OK. <3

Timehop reminded me that I saved this a year ago. How fitting!